Metaquotes

From the hitherbydragons feed :

Jesus' sacrifice seems to have been good for sinners but bad for the undead.

Posted from adjrun's journal, with permission:



"My sister wanted you to know that she's occasionally checking my journal, and that she's really moved by everyone's support. With the pre-surgery weight loss, and the post? She's lost over a hundred pounds already. That's an entire Sarah Michelle Gellar!"

catmoran: Nah, if we must have an evil president, I want one that's smart *and* pretty. Afaik, that limits us to Lex Luthor, but I'll take suggestions.

gehayi: Well, Lex would be a good choice. He is highly intelligent. And, as to social issues, we do know that he would be in favor of gay marriage.

Public Service Announcement: Please pause for a moment to consider the following. Ask yourself these questions before proceeding to write a story in which one of the characters becomes pregnant.

1: Does the person who is getting pregnant have a uterus?

If the answer to the above is NO, then FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T WRITE IT!!!

-- superforeigner

Mm, but they destroyed Kerry. That was hilarious because I don't like Kerry. It's like seeing Wesley get beat up on Star Trek! You feel guilty and know it's wrong to be taking so much pleasure in it, but damn you're enjoying it, no denying.
-- hisgreyeyes

Finally saw that Spike-featuring episode of Angel. I don't normally watch Angel because Angel drives me frickin' crazy. His head is shaped like a carrot: wide at the top and a weird pointy chin for burrowing through the earth like a good little root vegetable.
-- hisgreyeyes

crantz: ah, the sweet sounds of cats running face-first into the wall.
dreamiflame: Well, they're your cats, what do you expect?
crantz: shakespeare and scientific dissertations.
dreamiflame: Maybe we should go over the concept of "cats" again.

I'd go homo for Trent [Reznor]. Sorry. It's just the way things are.
-- aphexmandelbrot

Go figure. Get a blowjob, get impeached. Turn into a megalomaniac, claim God has spoken to you, flip the UN the bird and bomb the shit out of countries, and people still think you're the best thing since bacon.

--reservoir_dog

My dear friend esposizione just got an LJ. She is a rather poetic sort at times (even if she does not know how to spell 'haiku'), and it was about time she was able to unleash it upon those she doesn't know as well (or at all, as the case may be).

from this entry:
And now for some hikus I composed this morning but was unable to jot down here due to the tech guy that materialized at my computer while I was in the shower:

Your masturbation:
Don't do it in the shower;
I don't have flip-flops.

Beware the school food.
I've bled in the tomatoes-
But not this morning.

From andynomore in rva, commenting on stunning journalistic powers of perception:

RICHMOND TIMES DISPATCH BREAKS JOURNALISTIC BOUNDS

Headline reads:

"Mars rover Opportunity reveals 'alien landscape'"

seems like it would be a little more interesting if the mars rover revealed downtown new york landscape... IE, I WAS KINDA EXPECTING THAT.

From this post in madhuri567's journal:

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It's billed as an erotic thriller starring Anne Heche and Christopher Walken. Erotic for who, exactly? -- wheeler

*quietly wipes tea off computer screen*

You know something that really pisses me off? The fact that for the rest of my natural life I can pretty much count on periodically getting the refrain of "Kokomo" going around in my head. I have forgotten unmeasurable masses of useful information. Logarithms, for example. I couldn't do a fucking logarithm to save my life, but the words "Key Largo, Montego. Baby why don't we go?" remain.

Yeah. Keep up the good work, brain. I'm real impressed by your ability to prioritize.

--pun

beechball, on current events:

Armageddon is on Fox right now and it started with the disclaimer:

Due to recent events, viewer discretion is advised.

Has an asteroid ended all life on Earth and why haven't I been notified?

donna_c_punk after I distracted her with a nice Barbie article and she then tells me of her dark secret...lol.

DonnaCSoprano: I was doing something before someone distracted me with Barbies ...oh, I was writing.
X wolfspring X: :P
DonnaCSoprano: Barbies are like crack to me. I ALWAYS go into the Barbie aisle at any store that has toys.
X wolfspring X: lolol. crackhead
DonnaCSoprano: Little kids are like, "Mommy, why is that grown woman getting all excited over a Barbie?"
DonnaCSoprano: "Because she is a loser, Suzie."
X wolfspring X: LMFAO

My friend K is having problems with the phone company. They didn't hook up his phone until the 20th, and they're trying to make him pay for the whole month. After an hour on the phone with a woman who would only repeat "we would appreciate it if you payed your bill on time and in full," he snapped.

"YOU WANT ME TO PAY FOR SERVICES I HAVEN'T RECEIVED??? FINE. I WANT TO FELLATE BEN AFFLECK. NOW, WE CAN CONTINUE LIVING IN THIS FANTASY WORLD, WHERE YOU GET YOUR MONEY, AND I WRAP MY LIPS AROUND BEN AFFLECK'S TURGID COCK, OR WE CAN DISCUSS THIS LIKE REASONABLE ADULTS!"

The customer service agent hung up on him.

- thisveryinstant, posted w/ permission

However, my pajamas are currently on inside-out. This is good luck for school closings.

--oliveoyl

Subject: Mexicans created the olympics


So my brother and I were watching The Mask of Zorro, because it rocks.

JD: I like how he can throw the whip, and it makes a perfectly tight knot he can swing from, then it just comes loose again.
me: It's a difficult skill to learn. Indiana Jones sells how-to videos, I hear.
JD: I bet they worked together. Very similar.
me: Internet pen pals, and all.

---

me: Wow, lookit that tree. It has gymnastic bars growing out of it.
JD: Duh. Mexicans, like.. created the olympics.
me: Because of their trees.
JD: Yep.

---

me: Eh, did they cut something out, or did those slave guys just run reeeeeally fast?
JD: Olympics, remember?
me: Oh yeah.

- phantasmrose, with permission from a locked post.