January 22nd, 2004

leftbook

From neilhudson

(whose whole journal is quoteworthy, but this made me laugh so loudly the whole office looked at me...)

Tony Blair is still insisting that a bomb will be found in Samantha Marson's bag, as long as the inspectors are given enough time. Bush in the meantime has "lost patience", and will invade Ms Marson sometime next week.
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly
Squee!

(no subject)

To the tune of "Modern Major General" from Pirates of Penzance - the picture of a moden lj user, courtesy of the journal of tygher.

[edit: cut and pasted with permission, because I forgot her journal is friends-only! *facepalm*]

I am the very model of an LJ personality.
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
User-names I have plenty of; both genuine and ghosted, too,
On all the communities that my drivel is cross-posted to.
Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you're the one who pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no-one would be blaming you
For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
I wouldn't know a valid point if I were introduced to it.
My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery,
Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
The gibberings of one who's on the limits of his sanity.

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
If only Mum could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;
If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical;
If what I post were more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
To stick me in "Old Sparky" and turn on the electricity
Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.
I always have the last word; so, with uttermost finality,
That's all from me, the model of an LJ personality!

[Second edit: So far as I can tell, the most original version comes from a Mr. Tom Holt, and can be found here.]
just breathe

Bwa!

From a locked post by somethingwicked, with permission.

Lots happened today but the most notable was that I saw Death.

Yes, I saw Death. We went to pick up T-Dawg from work at Yorke Casket Factory and guys were coming out the front door and...here comes Death. Just strolled out of the casket factory...I'm not even kidding. Black cloak and everything. A fucking cloak.

K and I were weirded out for about three minutes until T came out.

Me: "Umm....does Death work for you?"
T: "What?"
K: "We saw Death walk out of Yorke."
Me: "He was wearing a black cloak."
T: "Black cloak? That's just James. He's a goth kid."
Me: "Of course Death is a goth! Hello? He's DEATH! He invented GOTH!"
T: ...

All goes silent in the car. We drive a block down the road. AND SUDDENLY THERE'S DEATH GETTING OUT OF HIS PICKUP TRUCK!!! (apparently, Death is a Ford man...and a Goth Redneck. Did not see that one coming, I'll be honest.)

Me: "THERE HE IS!!"
K: "The hell? Why did he drive if he lives a block away?"
Me: "Well he is wearing that gay ass cloak and its cold as shit outside."
T: "Death is a pussy."
molotov

Krispy Kreme madness!

So, have we all seen the hilarity that ensued when kkk_membership started randomly friending people? If you haven't, go check out his journal. Don't miss the user info, which has a link to the wonderful un-friending poems.

Some of my favourite moments:

Obscene donut icons

kittybean gets more than she bargains for when she ticks off someone with multiple personalities.

"Krispy Kreme doughnuts
Glazed over dough
Makes me puke" -- mightyafrodite (who didn't think it was funny at all.)

"You quit a previous job to work at Krispy Kreme? What was that job, elephant masturbator?"> -- thebitingfaery

Pardon the pun, but the whole thing is completely tasteless.