Metaquotes

sarahtales has been watching Smallville with her family...

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A comment by psychodyke42 , left in customers_suck :

"The only sucky thing I can find here is Playgirl's continued pretense that only serves to confuse people. WOMEN DO NOT READ YOU. YOU ARE A GAY MALE PORNO MAG. Change your title to reflect that, and DEAL.

Otherwise, I just see an old guy trying to get some nice softcore gay porn. Aww."

EDIT SO AS TO NOT SPAM: Another one to add real quick.

There's a post on my LJ about a video I want to torment everyone with: The Man with Two Penises. It's real, and it's haunting. It led to discussion with badong , who made this comment about how both the guy's penises are tiny:

"Yeah, I'd trade one Oscar Meyer for two Vienna sausages, any day"

To go with salsashark20's post, another comment in the same entry further down is also worthy of metaquoting.

Said by space_paranoids in customers_suck here:
Now if the other magazine was for enema porn(which I hear is all the rage in Japan these days), we'd have a granular picture of his psyche- a piece of the puzzle, in the spirit of a haiku.

Rush of soap-water
I should have rolled up my sleeves
Refill the baloon

fayte has email from her boss...

i have to read them all because she...like, quizzes me on them. i swear. OOH! did you get the joke about the sperm?

From apocalypsos, on winter fashion:

It's about twenty degrees out right now. Today, I was on the bus with a girl who was wearing high-heeled strappy open-toed sandals on bare feet.

How come nobody told me blackened with frostbite was the new pink?

"....she even misspelled 'bestiality' on her user info ... "

Comment regarding the Fandom_Scruples black list, overheard on camillabloom's journal here.

You know the beautiful thing about AS Spanish? They don't expect you to be anywhere near as good as native speakers. They treat you like the doddering ingles-speaking idiot you are. They make you say hola several times over. You are not expected to contend with native speakers when you take the exam.

It's so BEAUTIFUL.

Because I'm just realising that I was expected to speak like a native for every other language I've learnt formally. Malay? Write that 350-or-more-word essay, shiznit, and it BETTER BE GOOD. Chinese? This is your mother tongue, bitch, so swallow that millennia-old poem and be grateful.

--afrai

From keenai's journal, posted with permission:

Although my CD player at home is set on random, every morning it wakes me up with Alicia Keys. Really, I need to change it. I try not to overthink the lyrics thing, but what does, "Like a damsel in distress, I'm stressing you" even mean? Honestly. Oh, and nothing irritates me more than hearing her say, "Like a desert needs water." Does a desert NEED water? No. Because then it wouldn’t be a desert; it’d just be an area going through a drought.

smo: Welcome to F_W! Can I get you anything -- tea? Scone? Buttsex?
pooka: All of the above, if you please.
smo: One Lumberjack Special, coming right up!

"I know I will have daughters. Nothing but daughters, and they will all be hotties. Why? Cuz' god thinks he's a funny man."

kinkysmart after reminiscing about his many sexual conquests in high school.

last night, i dreamt that i was dreaming about Dream having a dream about a girl who was dreaming that she was dreaming about Dream.

...

does anyone else ever get the suspicion that their subconscious uses 'copy' and 'paste' a lot?

- beachkid

sclerotic_rings: "[S]o rest assured that I'd pay you back. Probably by buying you drinks until you did something particularly blackmail-worthy and standing by with a digital camera."

To which laoke replied: "That's OK, this is New Zealand after all... the sheep would have to be an under-age ram to cause me social problems."

-- From this thread.

From rollick's musing on whether to review a certain movie:

"See? It's like "Charlotte's Web" with talking crap."

Is it just me or is fandom getting increasingly wanky of late?

You know, there can only be one explanation for this. There is *clearly* not enough wanking going on in real life, and so people must purge these tendencies online!

My friends! Take the wanking out of fandom, and take it back into your homes where it belongs!

TAKE YOURSELVES IN HAND!

--miscellanny, here.

A conversation between shikinluv and her cousins, from a locked post (reposted with permission) :

(background info : shikinluv is Muslim.)

My cousins are the greatest.

Faeeqah calls me up and the conversation goes something like this.

Iqah: Kin, I heard you're not going to school.
Me: Yes. I'm on four days medical leave.
Iqah: Why?
Me: I have conjunctivitis.
Iqah: Conjucti-WHAT?
Me: Sore eyes, Qah.
Iqah: Oh. So you're going to die in four days time?
Me: ....
Me: Yes. That's correct.

And so it goes on...

Iqah: You know, I think we should do something REALLY SPECIAL for your funeral.
Me: Like what?
Iqah: I don't know...something happy. *pause* I KNOW! We could ask my school's orchestra to come play at the cemetary while they're burying you. Play really happy songs.
Me: ....
Iqah: You now have three days and forty-five minutes more to live. Shake that butt!
Me: ....

And on....

Me: I think you should play Missy Elliott at my funeral.
Iqah: Everyone will be going "Lailahaillallah" and I'll go "Pass that dutch, pass that dutch, pass that dutch..." and then "ALHAMDULLILAH!"
Me: It's supposed to be "Inallilah"
Iqah: It's the 21st century, you know. MODERN TIMES!
Me: ...Right.
Iqah: I'll be there with you know, band costumes and then the orchestra will play the Star Wars Theme and Lou Bega's Mambo Number Five.
Me: And you'll be in your cheerleading costume.
Iqah: Yes.
Me: *dies laughing*

More from the Discworld RP, but in-character this time:
We are students! We have no need of sanity!
--skazz