"The only sucky thing I can find here is Playgirl's continued pretense that only serves to confuse people. WOMEN DO NOT READ YOU. YOU ARE A GAY MALE PORNO MAG. Change your title to reflect that, and DEAL.
Otherwise, I just see an old guy trying to get some nice softcore gay porn. Aww."
There's a post on my LJ about a video I want to torment everyone with: The Man with Two Penises. It's real, and it's haunting. It led to discussion with badong , who made this comment about how both the guy's penises are tiny:
"Yeah, I'd trade one Oscar Meyer for two Vienna sausages, any day"
Said by space_paranoids in customers_suck here:
Now if the other magazine was for enema porn(which I hear is all the rage in Japan these days), we'd have a granular picture of his psyche- a piece of the puzzle, in the spirit of a haiku.
Rush of soap-water
I should have rolled up my sleeves
Refill the baloon
i have to read them all because she...like, quizzes me on them. i swear. OOH! did you get the joke about the sperm?
It's about twenty degrees out right now. Today, I was on the bus with a girl who was wearing high-heeled strappy open-toed sandals on bare feet.
How come nobody told me blackened with frostbite was the new pink?
It's so BEAUTIFUL.
Because I'm just realising that I was expected to speak like a native for every other language I've learnt formally. Malay? Write that 350-or-more-word essay, shiznit, and it BETTER BE GOOD. Chinese? This is your mother tongue, bitch, so swallow that millennia-old poem and be grateful.
Although my CD player at home is set on random, every morning it wakes me up with Alicia Keys. Really, I need to change it. I try not to overthink the lyrics thing, but what does, "Like a damsel in distress, I'm stressing you" even mean? Honestly. Oh, and nothing irritates me more than hearing her say, "Like a desert needs water." Does a desert NEED water? No. Because then it wouldn’t be a desert; it’d just be an area going through a drought.
kinkysmart after reminiscing about his many sexual conquests in high school.
does anyone else ever get the suspicion that their subconscious uses 'copy' and 'paste' a lot?
To which laoke replied: "That's OK, this is New Zealand after all... the sheep would have to be an under-age ram to cause me social problems."
-- From this thread.
You know, there can only be one explanation for this. There is *clearly* not enough wanking going on in real life, and so people must purge these tendencies online!
My friends! Take the wanking out of fandom, and take it back into your homes where it belongs!
TAKE YOURSELVES IN HAND!
(background info : shikinluv is Muslim.)
My cousins are the greatest.
Faeeqah calls me up and the conversation goes something like this.
Iqah: Kin, I heard you're not going to school.
Me: Yes. I'm on four days medical leave.
Me: I have conjunctivitis.
Me: Sore eyes, Qah.
Iqah: Oh. So you're going to die in four days time?
Me: Yes. That's correct.
And so it goes on...
Iqah: You know, I think we should do something REALLY SPECIAL for your funeral.
Me: Like what?
Iqah: I don't know...something happy. *pause* I KNOW! We could ask my school's orchestra to come play at the cemetary while they're burying you. Play really happy songs.
Iqah: You now have three days and forty-five minutes more to live. Shake that butt!
Me: I think you should play Missy Elliott at my funeral.
Iqah: Everyone will be going "Lailahaillallah" and I'll go "Pass that dutch, pass that dutch, pass that dutch..." and then "ALHAMDULLILAH!"
Me: It's supposed to be "Inallilah"
Iqah: It's the 21st century, you know. MODERN TIMES!
Iqah: I'll be there with you know, band costumes and then the orchestra will play the Star Wars Theme and Lou Bega's Mambo Number Five.
Me: And you'll be in your cheerleading costume.
Me: *dies laughing*
We are students! We have no need of sanity!