January 13th, 2004

(no subject)

By mlleelizabeth:

I have spam in my inbox with the subject line, "Want to feel like Superman in bed? Order Viagra now!"

So let me get this straight ... if I start taking viagra, Lex Luthor will show up in my bed?

You may need to be a "Smallville" watcher to get the full impact of this one. :)
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Singe by angstslashhope

(no subject)

gullygilly teaches a fun class!

today to celebrate their last week with me, some of my freshman boys had a contest: they stuck their pen caps on their tongues via suction and raced to see who could stick it up their nose with their tongue the farthest and the fastest. Such skill.
Mugging kids
  • marag

Paid user status...

Those in the know - how may I abuse this unbridled power now placed at my fingerprints? Do I get to play with nuclear launch codes? Is there an option for reprogramming Kucinich in the menu of the paid members? Do we get the controls to the undead army of killer monkey robots of Cheney's?

--doqz's response to someone anonymously paying for two months of LJ time
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amy laughs

(no subject)

I could cut for TMI, but I am having an ANGRY, BITTER UTERUS moment and instead will describe the sensation of cramping for the benefit of all you men who never get to experience the delight of owning baby-growing equipment.

Okay. Grab a soft piece of yourself. Thigh or belly or whatever. Got a good handful? Now squeeze as hard as you possibly can. Like you're trying to squeeze milk out of a turnip or make diamond by squeezing coal like Superman. And now squeeze harder. And at the same time, twist that squeezed lump of you around until your skin splits and you can wrench out a chunk of flesh.

Now imagine a couple of dozen hands doing that inside you, to your entire lower abdomen. For twenty-four to forty-eight hours without a pause. Simultaneously, sharp nails and broken glass are scraping away at your lower spine (this is brushed off as 'cramps across the back' by textbooks), you're so tired you find it hard to stand upright, and your bladder is full All. The. Time. And, depending on whether you're a tampon or a pad person, you feel as though you sat on something pointy or you're wearing a diaper.

And in twenty-eight days, you get to do it again.

Now. Go out into the world and function like a normal human being.

--hisgreyeyes, who gets quoted at a frightening rate
I have come for your Yakult!, Chibi!

Now she dead from S/R...

Found here in Shoiryu's JournalFen.

padfoot: That's what I'd like to know.
Hullo, you look familiar; do I know you?

moony: Could be, chum.

You wouldn't happen to have gone to Hogwarts at some point, would you? Perhaps you were a classmate of mine?

padfoot: Right, that must be it.
You look a bit dodgy to me, though. Weren't a Slytherin by chance, were you?

moony: What, me? A Slytherin? Of course not! I'd take offense, but you seem like a rather amiable sort of fellow.

Gryffindor, through and through - I was even a prefect. And yourself?

padfoot: Oh, I got tossed off the Gryffindor Quidditch team for a) fighting, b) cursing, and c) being ruddy awful at Quidditch.
I am an amiable sort of fellow, my good man. You should see me when I'm at home.

moony: Well, it sounds as though I had a bit more, uhm... illustrious academic life than you did, but to each his own. Your prefect that year must have been particularly lackadaisical to let you get away with all that. It's a wonder that fellow got picked at all if you were continuously getting away with things of that sort!

And if you're offering an invitation, I wouldn't mind stopping by your place for tea and scones sometime. Unless, of course, you'd rather pay me a call.
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