January 8th, 2004

(no subject)

"Best sign ever: Outside a clinic I pass by sometimes - written in big cheery writing that's better suited to "Happy New Year!" or "Welcome Back From Prison!":

10,000 Vasectomies!

It was the giant smiley face underneath that gave it that extra-special touch. I'd have loved to see a man leaving the clinic a few days prior, carrying helium balloons and being sung to by doctors, trying to hide his face from passing motorists." -- deadspiders
Freaked, K: DW Nine & Rose

(no subject)

I would make a horrible protagonist for a novel. It'd be all:

"John! John! The bank is foreclosing on your house! Where all the orphans are sheltered! And a dragon just ate the king! AND GALACTUS IS SPRINKLING SEASONINGS ON OUR PLANET"

and I'd be all:

"That is very tragic." and sleep some more.

It's hard to be a hero when your highest aspiration is narcolepsy.

-- crantz
Arbor ancien

(no subject)

It's cold in here. I think I'm going to make a bonfire. Won't that be fun? A nice, roaring fire in the middle of my office. And who cares if it eats the entire place? I don't. It will be revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge for holding me in its cold, cruel clutches all night last night. And then, I will pee on the rugs because I am petty, and nothing says "petty" more than human urine. I learned that from Reading Rainbow and Geordi LaForge. Except he wasn't wearing his visor then, and that always concerned me, because I didn't understand how Geordi could read all those books if he was blind.


As written by aliyna:

"Is the right ear gay or the left?"
"The earring in the right ear, or the left?"
"Okay. Thank you."
"Uh. You're...welcome."
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    amused amused
loud fayoumis

Amelia Bedelia, anyone?

I think mere commentary from me is mostly irrelevant.
Dear Office Professional:

In the file for "Material Submissions - Brick", you filed -- yes -- a brick. Two weeks ago, again from your jobsite, I received a binder marked "Soil Testing Results." When I opened this file, a fist-sized clod of dirt in a Zip-loc bag tumbled out as if to triumphantly declare, "We tested for soil and -- look! -- we found some!"

Given this penchant you have for literal-mindedness, you'll understand why I'm returning this box marked "Hazardous Materials Safety Data" unopened to its owner.

Yours Non-Radioactively,
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Stitch - hula!

(no subject)

In which my college friend sunspeck very accurately pegs what it is to be a twentysomething:

Received a Playstation 2 for Christmas. This has definite pros and cons. The pros include that I get to play cool video games, have something to do when I'm bored, and get to play cool video games. And I can include in the pros the fact that the more video game time I get in, the more, inexplicably, the desire to study increases. I believe this to be a good thing. The cons, however, include that Dave's wrists get buggy, hence we can't play for too long, which however doesn't stop us from doing something like waking up at 10, playing until 3, then going back to it at 3:30, and playing til 5:30, and when we get hungry, start eating dry Cocoa Puffs out of the box.

We need parents.
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    silly I wish I got a PS2 for Christmas...
incognito eye

Point taken, Rhi :-)

zomgrhi, in reference to her friends list:

"Am I not a complete and utter SOURCE OF AMUSEMENT for THOUSANDS OF READERS all over the WORLD?! Do I not LIGHT PEOPLE'S LIVES UP with lovely OPINIONATED POSTS with AMUSING ANECDOTES?! It's APPALLING, I tell you!!!! You people SUCK. I HATE you ALL."

In the same post, different topic:

"On other matters, Mum streaked my hair last night. It looks nice. I used Herbal Essences on it but I didn't have an orgasm. I'm dissapointed. I should complain to the company."
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    amused amused
K: Eeep, Eeep
  • kielle

I know he's a puppet, but...

Somebody pointed out that my last two posts involved nudity. I don't see what's wrong with this. For one, I'm not really human or anything, right? Right! And for two...have you ever just have one of those days where you can't find your pants and your shirt looks stupid without pants and you don't have any clean underwear or well for some reason you don't seem to have any underwear AT ALL (Melkor has something to do with that) so all you have left are socks and if you go out only wearing socks you look really silly so, uh, yeah?

I get those days a lot.

-- tilion
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    amused amused