Metaquotes

From the inimitable copperbadge:

There's a very important and annoying difference between having the urge to write porn and having the inspiration to write porn.

*frustrated and amused sigh*

Edited to add: Golly. Snakes are hard to care for.

Re-edited to add: Those two observations are in nooooo way related. I swear.

from frogmagick

"Plus I'm watching the food network. I love Alton Brown and "Good Eats". He did 3 kinds of macaroni and cheese tonight. Oye. Watching the food channel when you have a yen for cooking is kinda like porn. High calorie porn. Culinary porn, but yeah, that level of happy stimulation. LOL."

sifelaver says here:

I just realized.


Plebespeak = what happens when you type with one hand because you're using the other to masturbate to porn.


Here, I'll show you.


rthis is me tyipng wihr only 1 hand cuz im jkackin ohff to tentracle porn and itg taks to logn to delte.

See?

And Turkmenbashi vodka -- judging by the reactions of everyone else who did shots with me, I am very glad I actually succeeded in doing a shot correctly and got it all straight down my throat without tasting it. Nothin' says lovin' like cheap nutty-dictator rubbing alcohol.

-- casapazzo

From (who else?) apocalypsos:

Oh, and guess what? Sperm counts have dropped in the past fifteen years! I love stories like this. I always picture some poor guy sitting around with a great big petri dish and a teeny weeny pair of eyebrow pluckers going, "One ... two ... three ... ewww, I dropped one! Quit squirming!"

From eugenecommunity, where the weather has been much colder and snowier than normal.

YANSA: Good morning, freezing rain!
FREEZING RAIN: Good morning, Yansa!
*FREEZING RAIN splats onto windshield and is mushed into a gooey anti-visibility sludge by windshield wipers*
FREEZING RAIN: Yay! That's our favorite thing to do!

Another of my friends, harukami, has this community pegged:

In other news, I'm pretty sure a reliable way to get on metaquotes, having studied many of the entries, is to say something funny about homosexuality, pirates, Johnny Depp, or Lord of the Rings, with an optional of mentioning Neil Gaiman, preferrably naked. Though making apparently random, yet endearing, comments at the end of the entry helps.

I got this from here giovanni:

my philosopical penis

I've been having a dream about my penis. It happens once a week,every week. In it my penis becomes a philosopher that tries to deconstruct relaity. In my last dream we got into an argument. We were talking about deconstruction of the phil. of GhostBusters. It argued to me that GhostBusters represented a the beginning of a new film making genre. My penis said, "You own the DVD,you decide." In another dream I told my penis -it's like my counselor-that I was having an intense existential dilemma. I was questioning if I existed amd if my penis was it's own sepearate entity. "How do I know if yyou're in my head or you're talking to me. You're annoying me,shut up"

"I'm your dominate head."
"No,I am your dominate head. I'm going to hit you."
"If you hit me I'll spit on you."

Ew.

"The headline on Yahoo! this morning was 'Steve Irwin feeds crocodile with baby', so you can imagine my disappointment upon reading the whole story. Considering how the day is going, I was honestly hoping to read about Irwin telling his audience 'Some people may think it's cruel to feed babies to big, ravenous crocodiles, but that's nature's way.'"

-- sclerotic_rings, from the entry here.

fluffels:

I wish you could see me now.

WOAh, that took a really long time to type with only one hand. This took even longer.

Quote from celebysightings

myprozac_nation: i saw paris hilton today at barnes and nobles at the grove.
simple_: how was she?
jenionfire: Terrified! She didn't know what all those rectangular thick things were!!!

This could actually be used as a stand alone joke.

(First post, btw)

About a hideous RPG Mary Sue with a knack for muddling her historical facts...

[Original text:] because she grew up poor she has a thing for orential swordmanship and sword play

farmercuerden: Because, as we all know, being poor automatically means you love Japanese swords. 'Struth! It's in almost every one of Dickens' books!

collie_wing: Yeah, because in Great Expectations, we all know Pip whips out a katana and starts practicing. That's before he goes off to fight in World War II though.

...On the other hand, the idea of Vetinari being addicted to HP is highly amusing.

I wonder what his OTPs would be?
--city_wizzard, in a comment chat trying to figure out what happened to discworld_rpg's Vetinari

From a comment thread on this recent Sinfest comic:

ethangilchrist: "Younger guys are so easy to please. All you have to do is go "Here's Boobs! and a candybar" and they're happy. lol"

jeshi: "Boobs and a candy bar?!? *faint*"

O Van, I want you like the DeLorean wants the train.

-- brouhaha

lady_t_220 about her mum interupting her fiction writing...


I don't CARE if terrorists are an example of the darker spectrum feeling side because they're not in touch with reality, I'm trying to write an earth-shattering orgasm here, leave me alone...! >.