January 4th, 2004

K: Eeevil!, Eeevil!
  • kielle

I know it's on JF, but...

In response to this thread, about providing fake bad feedback to a scam product:

When I first installed this program, all my thoughts were of lightness and joy. My neopets were healthy, my livejournal universally loved and read; my finances were untouchable, my orchids in full bloom.

Lo, one day after installing the program, not only did it uninstall Internet Explorer and reformat my harddrive, it also killed all of my neopets, deleted the livejournals of all five hundred of my closest friends, and used my credit card information to buy $33,000 worth of bondage pornography. It caused the printer to spew out mile after mile of photomanipulations of me holding large containers of suspicious powders and plant materials, with the warning message that it had faxed these images to my congressman and the FBI. Somehow, it also enticed my computer to electrically discharge thousands of volts into the surrounding plants, killing my priceless orchid collection. Attempts to uninstall were met with Satanic laughter and image files of dead puppies.

After shelling out $30 for the paid version, the situation improved somewhat; the plants entered a stage of unlife and tried to eat my brains, but at least they're green again. However, the only noticeable difference between the paid and free versions is that the paid version enabled it to somehow grow arms and legs, which it used to violently sodomize me in front of my loving wife of forty years. A call to customer service yielded only the automated message that they would get back to me when they were done dancing on the graves of my unborn children and shooting prostitutes in well-known historical landmarks.

I suggest you look elsewhere for privacy and security software.

-- backfromspace
  • ashlupa

Did she graduate Attack Princess school?

from blueingenue

Wouldn't the appropriate time for Eowyn to dramatically whip off her helm and proclaim her womanhood be after slaying the Witch-King?

That kind of prissified battlefield hubris should be unsurvivable. Realistically, the result should have been: "I am no Wo-ghlurkkk!"

No, girlie. First you kill, then you gloat. Spitting on your fallen foe is optional.

(no subject)

So Britney really did get married in Vegas as a joke that was taken too far...which she's already planning to annul (even though she's apparently having a grand time showing the wedding video to friends.)

All I can say is, thank God she's heterosexual, otherwise this whole event might have undermined the sanctity and importance of the institution of marriage!

K: Beaded, K: Eeep, K: *huff*, Red Panda, K: Desperada

(no subject)

I will give you the pick of the litter of my first three children if you can produce a decent screenshot for this [icon idea]. Yes, you! You could own a nice fresh child, and I'll even housebreak him for you!
-- hisgreyeyes

My dad, reflecting on the Blinding Passion of Faramir and Eowyn: "They're like the Aragorn and Arwen you'd find in the damaged goods box."
-- hisgreyeyes

The real world is really trying to get me into RPS. First the Craig Parker/Orlando Bloom idea (the FREAK YON SISTER pairing), and then the whole David Wenham/Miranda Otto thing (the OMGSQUEE pairing). Neither of which were really anything other than various degrees of squee's, actually, even though Craig Parker/Orlando Bloom was more of a comedy thing done purely to reassure my sister that no, Orly would never sleep with another woman, because he is in fact gay and wouldn't sleep with any women at all. Then she read about the whole Kate Bosworth thing and hit me in the face with an atlas. We are such a pacifistic family.
-- ewacat

Words fail me. So instead, I'll just run around flailing my arms and screaming.
-- snoozenstein

(no subject)

dontevenknow holds forth in this post about Secret Spells Barbie

"It’s just as well. Barbie already has unrealistic beauty, twenty or so cars, multiple houses, a long-term relationship with a hot guy, academic degrees in innumerable different fields, more friends than you can fit on a shelf, and a pony. What the hell does she not have that she needs to turn to the black arts to get?"