Metaquotes

Dear store...


While I do like to think I'm rather secure in my sexuality, do you really need to have the pants I bought from you labeled as "fancy trousers" on the receipt? Calling the shirt "fancy jersey" was bad enough, especially since it was a t-shirt, not a jersey. But fancy trousers? Come on. You're breaking my heart here.

Please don't prove Ian right, and make me end up being metrosexual. Because I just don't have the time required or the effort needed to actually give that much of a shit about my apperance.

Thank you.

---mylaptopisevil

"Mood: scared


Gloria Estefan was right.

One day? The rhythm is gonna get me."

From the journal of the splendiferous eibhinn.

(comment by mysterg, on an unidentified locked post, reproduced out-of-context with permission)

Okay, now, do this with me, it's easy.

1. Sit down, and relax your arms, your legs, then your whole body by breathing deeply, and intoning "Ohm" several times.

2. Now, I want you to visualize a babbling brook, with the water gently cascading over the rocks, and the little birdies singing, and the happy, light clouds floating past the beautiful rays of sunshine and making the world seem like a glorious tapestry of light, color, and relaxing sound.

3. Now, I want you to visualize the two most irritating people at your work place, gently take their heads in your hands, and shove them deeply into the babbling brook, intoning "Ohm" again, and relaxing to the sound of their muffled protests, along with the gentle gurgling sound they make.

I have the world's coldest feet during the winter. Earlier, I put my them in a little tub of hot water and soaked them. I did it near the computer and I was terrified something electrical would fall in and fry me. I often picture odd and macabre accidental deaths for myself (possibly because I'm the only person I know who has cut themselves on a keyboard and a washing machine) while slightly detached/mildly horrified.

juteux, explaining who Ethan is, of Queer as Folk, to a non-viewer:

Ethan...well. Picture the most amazing couple, ever, and then picture the guy that got between them. It is like if Juliet cheated on Romeo with an ugly asshat of a violin player.

"Your family is filled with intrigues, jerks and relatives fucking with one another? Well, then, your family is *normal*. Find me a non-dysfunctional family, and I'll show you a family on more drugs than every Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee in the seventies combined."

--apocalypsos.

Also? Word!

::dances for all of you::
This is the erotic dance of my mating call. Everyone must obey its ominous warning and somnolent song. Ooooo-aaaaaah. Oooooo-ahhhhhhh. Oooooo.

- anniesj

goat003 and l0rn, over here, on an...intruiging...new photo of Nikolai Fraiture and Julian Casablancas from the Strokes.

goat003: The thing that really gets me is that they look so serious. Wistful, even.
l0rn: Yeah, that whole serious face thing gets me, too. "We're in high school, and we're in love dammit! And our parents can restrict our phone access, but not our ETERNAL LOVE!!!"
goat003: Exactly. "See? See how I tilt my head? IT MEANS I LOVE HIM!"

"School is fucking me right now. Actually, it's gone beyond fucking. Hamilton is raping me. Anally raping me. With a broom handle.

I was walking across campus today and there was this huge banner that said "Rape Happens Here." Yeah, it really does. Rape in the form of papers."

-kueble


"This morning I was assaulted with a school bus. I was driving along, minding my own business, when this.. this.. ninja school bus came out of nowhere and cut in front of me. I was all "noooooo!" shaking my fist, for I was late, and had no time to mess with being behind a school bus. But NoooOoOOOooo, he thinks because he's a school bus he has the right of way and can jump in front of me. He thinks because he's a school bus, his journey is far more important than my own. He thinks just because he's a school bus that I must yield to his almighty bus power. KNEEL BEFORE TEH FLASHING STOP SIGN OF DOOOOOOOOM, PUNY MORTAL! FOR I AM A SCHOOL BUS, AND WHEN I SAY STOP, YOU STOP! YOOOOOOOOOU! SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAASSSSS!

Fuck you, school bus.

Better now.

In other news, the rhythm is still trying to get me.

Maybe the rhythm drives the school bus.

I thought I heard conga drums. Fuck you too, rhythm."

-eibhinn

firewench has had the best comment to my Penis Rant


Why do men name their cocks?

So they can be on a first name basis with who makes the decisions for them.

"If this semester were an ice cream flavor it would be pralines and dick." dreamallday

"my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

damn right.

so what do you think she means by "milkshake"? I think it's the jiggle of the mammary glands... get it? milk-shake?" serialkiller (Also one of my favorite people to be metaquoted. This woman does not hold back and she says some of the funniest shit.)

"box of Contact cold medicine: $5.99
cough syrup: $4.49
the look on Josh's face after I coughed so hard it propelled a *very* loud fart out of my ass: priceless" serialkiller

cherry_chiicake: We just had a minor earthquake here. I just figured someone was running down the hall really heavily and was getting ready to go out and tell them to quit it. Ah well.

"Ah, Paris Hilton, yet another typhoid mary for the teenage anorexia scene.

How you distract me from more practical matters. I have not thought about the political situation or the war or the president in quite some time. Your airbrushed presence has demanded my attention from the walls of abandoned buildings. Next to your charming co-host. The overalls jauntily opened to show the small but perfect breast. If I watched TV I would tune in to The Simple Life to chortle with millions of other Americans at your well moisturized antics.

With millions of others I watched you in night vision, working that cock in the illicitly distributed video. How we waited tensely for the download. Watching the bits fall into place on our file sharing programs. I wouldn't kick you out of bed Paris. Not for eating crackers. No siree.

Why should I care about Bush? You have none. Just you and your cell phone. That's all we need.

If they really wanted me to care about the world, they'd put it on a reality show.

But I have you.

And that's all we need.

And there's more where you came from.

Bliss." -drfardook

rashaka:

Spike's on the Season 5 DVD cover. Not quite a sordid embrace, and the little sproglet is there, but its a step. Next season: SPUFFY!PORN COVER! It would sell like hotcakes. Assuming people still buy hotcakes. I admit, I don't think I've ever bought one. Come to think of it, I don't even know what a hotcake is. Is it like a pancake? Because those sell, but not individually, ya know. Cupcakes would be better. Plus they have frosting.


In this post.

"Here's a moral dilemna that came up last week, also:

Should I watch "The Simple Life?"

I don't want to watch shows like that. I'm not into reality shows.

But I DO want to see bad things happen to Paris Hilton.

Decisions, decisions...."
- adamselzer

said by the wonderful stir_of_echoes, a note about writing fanfiction on the try and how to avoid stupid men reading over your shoulder.

***************************************************

There was a huge delay on the train journey home so I thought I'd write some more of the fic I was working on but alas men seem to have this strange habit of wanting to read over your shoulder if you happen to be writing on a train.

And this guy didn't even try and hide the fact. After five minutes or so it was becoming really annoying and poor Spike was having performance anxiety, what with the audience and all, so...

I turned my head towards him and asked him nicely for his opinion,

Me: "so, you think we need lubricant?"

Nosy twat: "Excuse me?"

Me: *points to written work* "Well, I know they've already done it several times but he is kinda big and I thought if he just rammed it home then it's probably gonna hurt some. So what do you think, lubricant or not?"

Nosy twat: you know he didn't even have the decency to share his thought's, you'd think considering he'd been interested enough to read it he'd at least have an opinion but oh, no he just went blood red, coughed and scooted over to the window seat without a word.

*shrugs shoulders*

"In fact, I never absorb material from this book. The only thing I am absorbing by staring at the title is the menstrual symbolism. Grapes of wrath..."
-harmonylover

There's this post by bakedgoldfish where she says:

If you go anywhere in the Carribean and pronounce it like they do in "Pirates of the Carribean" commercials, you're gonna get held up by a big guy with a cutlass. Which is a machete, except not floppy-like, usually.

And then...

Go to Guyana and pronounce it GEE-yana, and you'll get held up by that same big guy with the cutlass who held you up in the Carribean. He'll hop on a boat and follow you there just to hold you up. Seriously.

Introducing himself to a new community, elitistasshat, mcsnee illustrates perfect postmodern paradox:

I have since been hard at work on a new theory of Populist Elitism, which, in broad layman's terms--the only type, despite my pretensions to intellectualism, that I deign to parse--involves laughing at myself from behind someone else's back.