December 8th, 2003

Elvis Stitch

Naaaah!

From special_trille:

As my strong fanbase will have noted, I'm not really the update girl in the livejournal world. And I think I've discovered why. See, I'm not very good at the anecdote thing. Well, actually, I suck completely. I ramble about the most exciting and relevant things and yet still manage to suck the life out of them until they end up a pitiful shadow of an anecdote, which has no point, yet still never seems to end.

Those of you who have been on the receiving end of one, are nodding wisely at this point, and possibly murmuring affirmations. Those of you who have been on the receiving end of many are more likely huddling in the corner, rocking back and forth and whimpering at the memory.
  • Current Mood
    mischievous mischievous

My first one! Weee!

"I know i moan a lot but everything goes wrong for me. I can't even buy underpants. I bought a pack of 3 boxer shorts and when i got them home there was only 2 in the pack AND there was no hole in the front. I threw them across the room and shouted, "How am i suppossed to get my fucking nob out"."

from apexnemesis
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
default

Yet another Christmas quote

"In the interests of creating a more-appropriate Santa mythology, at one point Santa was hauled off and put into jail by the Burgomeister for giving away toys. I turned to my uncle and said, 'This is where they crucify Santa so everyone can know the true meaning of toys, right?'"

-- theferrett
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Ed's too cool for you

(no subject)

I assume your keyboard contains all the letter of the alphabet, correct? I know mine does so I'm going on the based judgement that most keyboards do. Now please do this for me: If your typing a message to me in particular and you feel the urge to shorten 'your' to 'ur', 'what' to 'wht', 'you' to 'u' or 'to' to '2', will you then immediately staple your balls or some appropriate body part to your forehead. It just annoys me, plus it really does not speak well of your age (

Pain does not = arousal. Period. Now stop asking me these things.

iamthemurderer
ohdear
  • erlking

(no subject)

From pussinboots's latest post . . .

Dear U.K.,

I apologize for the way my President did dangerous experiments that turned your Prime Miniftre (or whatever he is) into a mutant superhuman with the powers of a pomeranian. I also apologize for our dirty Injun tactics in the...whichever war we won to get free of your oppressive yet lucrative tyranny. And I apologize for how we stole all of your celebrities and are keeping them in California like a big kennel built of cocaine and broken dreams. (more)
unibones

(no subject)

An indication of how tired I am: I fell off my chair earlier [forward of all ways] and crashed into my desk. And faceplanted on my monitor. I'm so embarrassed. It's not even like I was swinging on my chair. Hell, I was just sitting there, minding my own business, then next thing you know I've lost control of my body and am mashed against the monitor.

It's at times like these that I'm really glad my place isn't bugged. I would hate to see footage of my stupidity unleashed on the unsuspecting world.
~ renne.

XDXD!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Bobinet, Hungarian theatre, La Vie Parisienne, Párizsi élet

synonyms

After a certain point, I run out of synonyms for homosexuality.

"Where Clive's homosexuality is based on the platonic model, however, Maurice's....um....DESIRE FOR MAN ASS is carefully situated within white, middle-class Englishness."

I'd better take that out now before it accidentally gets printed out and handed in.


-graycastle, here

Death and Ouija

almighty_hat, on my untimely demise at the hands of a back-alley mugger, and how one will communicate with me now:

I have a Ouija board and a crystal ball.

No, I really do. Though it might take some digging to find the Ouija board. Probably faster to buy a new one.

But he's dead. What's the rush?
[oxygenated] little boy lost

Out, Out, Out.

mousapelli informs her residents:


The email I just sent out to my residents:
Well, guys, it's just about that time. Closing of the dorms for the break is something of an effort, and none of you have ever done it before, so it is in your best interests to come to a hall meeting this week and learn what you need to know. I'm having two because of time conflicts everyone has with any given night:
Please plan to attend one of the following meetings this week:
Wednesday, 8 PM (normal time)
Thursday, 9 PM
There are forms you need and instructions to be given. If you cannot make either of these, it is YOUR responsibility to find me and get the stuff, not mine to track you down. If your inability to follow directions leads directly to me stumbling upon your last second post-finals nookie session, I will not be apologetic, especially if I get fired for using my Master Key to blind myself from the horror.
I know everybody is stressed out, but please try to refrain from throwing yourselves out the kitchen windows to your untimely demise. It creates a lot of extra paperwork for the RA. --Sara
  • Current Music
    Untouchable Face - Ani DiFranco

Buying Guy Sebastian's new CD

In two hours, ONE goddamn CD was left and there was a bunch of people crowded around. Well, I swear on Russell Crowes wobbly chin you've never seen me move so fast. Running (ok, kinda waddling really fast) across the room, and using my elbows to get through the milling cloud I snatched that CD of the rack so fast my head almost spun off. And people stared. And I laughed manically and fondled it and called it my precious until a pre-pubescent sales guy came up to me cautiously and asked if I was "going to pay for that".

Mental retort: "No I'm going to stand here and lick it all day and then I'm going to sacrifice a goat to the gods. All right here. In this shop. Get me something pointy bitch!"
What came out of my mouth: "Uh...Ok."

- The incomparable Ms irradiatedsoup