Metaquotes

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- twelveeyes in this thread.

"Oh, good holy Jesus in bikini briefs and fishnet stockings, Hildi's actually going to put fucking feathers on the wall. I was living on the delusion that maybe she was just trying to spook more people into watching, but alas.

"I can't watch. This is like The Exorcist of home improvement shows. First hay, then fake flowers, now feathers?! If I tune in next time only to find she's stapling dismembered kittens to the wall, I'm calling the proper authorities to have her locked up in a mental institution.

"Or at least to have her goddamn weekend furlough privileges revoked so she can't do this show anymore.

*cowers under the couch*

*trembles*

Current Mood: the designer's eating my brain
Current Music: a children's choir mourning Big Bird's untimely demise"

--apocalypsos on the latest episode of "Trading Spaces"

"There's a puddle in the bathroom that won't go away. it doesn't seem to be coming from the sink or the toliet. we wiped it up before thanksgiving, but it came back over the weekend. on the plus side, it never seems to get any bigger." dreamallday

"So I picked up my Grandma because she...even though we have Thanksgiving at our house, she still cooks most of the food. She's a little concerned because my car is so small and, well, Thanksgiving dinner is pretty big. She's like, 'Where's the stuffing?' and I'm like, 'Ohh, it's down by my feet.' And she just pauses, and says 'Well, just don't pee on it.'

I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to say to that. I mean, I wasn't sure if she thought maybe I don't have any bladder control, or maybe she thought i would really enjoy peeing on Thanksgiving dinner? But anyway, I was just like, 'Ok Grandma!' and that was that. So.." dreamallday

"There's a note on the backdoor reminding the residents of 615 ontario to put their garbage in the dumpster, not outside. It also says that if there's a squirrel in the dumpster we should kick it a few times. I can only assume it is referring to the dumpster, not the squirrel." dreamallday

"Haircuts make me nervous. it's hard to find a nice balance of short hair that doesn't require me to have any sort of girl skills, like being able to operate a round brush at the same time as blow dryer. it's also nice to not ask for short and end up with hair like a fifteen year old shaggy emo boy." dreamallday

Have you ever made oatmeal with not enough water/milk, and then listened to the sounds it makes when you stir it? It's a squishy sound, not unlike what I would imagine your insides sound like when they move around.

~ hayes

OK, Americans. It's your time to shine. Somebody please explain to me, what is "government cheese"?

~3jane

A jam sandwich falling under gravity will accelerate at g=9.8m/s^2, ignoring air resistance. Acceleration is d^2x/dt^2 = v dv/dx = g. Integrating, v^2/2 = g(H-x), if the sandwich is dropped from rest at height H; its terminal velocity v = sqrt(2gH). Since the terminal velocity is the initial velocity plus acceleration times time (v = u + at), the time taken to fall is sqrt(2H/g). If the building is 20 storeys tall, and allowing 2.5m per storey, that makes H=50m. So, t = sqrt(2*50/9.8) ~ 3.2 seconds, hitting at about 30m/s, 110km/h or 70mph.

Says kensson, when asked about that Scottish song about throwing sandwiches from windows.

"Re: Paris Hilton: you know your too focused on your job when you name your daughter after your business's most famous asset." --errant_variable

(Okay, so it was really funny at 1 AM...)

All those girls saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" have obviously never had Easy Mac ( or s'mores).

That is all.

Dear Johnny,

The way you *described* your fountain pen makes me want to write more.

Love, permetaform.

ps. RPAS? What RPAS?

(Go here to read that description.)

"It's amazing how a relatively unknown rich person can shoot to fame with one poorly shot sex video. You watch, next week we'll be exposed to Cheney's Dick: Behind The Bush."

tocomfortyou here

"Something that annoys me is knowing that no matter who you are, no matter how smart you are, no matter how many hours you practice, you can't turn off a ceiling fan from across the room by concentrating very hard on the switch."

-popfantastic

From the comments of an x-men LJ rpg OOC community:

(I now have this image of Wolverine prancing about yelling Huzzah. I need to go to sleep... Weird dreams will now ensue.)

~master_mags_x

Does this group have a pro/am distinction? If so, someone please give me a thwap for this quote from davebarrycolumn:

I love Christmas in Miami. Oh, sure, it's not like Christmas up north. We don't have Jack Frost nipping at our nose: We have Harvey Heat Rash nipping at our underwear regions. And we never look outside on Christmas morning to discover that the landscape has been magically transformed by a blanket of white, unless a cocaine plane has crashed on our lawn.

callie_chan about how NOT to write erotica, here:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/callie_chan/165522.html?#cutid1

My dad bought a soft toilet seat. It is deep blood red. It moves and makes squishy noises when you seat on it. It is warm.

It scares the hell out of me. I want my old toilet seat back.

If you never hear from me again, know that it ate me.
-- thornsilver

And so my mom is like, "Hey Nicole, you need to let me cut your hair."
And I'm all, "Okay mom, you can cut my hair if you let me bleach it and dye it pink. :D"
And she says, "Sure."

oO

--superforeigner

toady2moo: Plan for the week

Monday: Get a wax & go to post office to get money order
Tuesday: Go to Quarry & do a few hours testing for the hell of it
Wednesday: RP online for a few hours (ie about 7)
Thursday: Something
Friday: Something again

And that is my week... Oh yeah plus dance around the house naked singing 'Here comes the rain again' at top note.

"i just farted and at first i thought it smelled just like hot dogs and i was impressed with myself.

i was saddened to find out that my mom was cooking hot dogs and that my fart did not smell exactly like hot dogs." the_devin

From the LJ of msss

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"mcee: *naps peacefully*
mum: OMG COME SEE THIS QUICK!!
mcee: *heart attack* *falls out of bed* *runs over in a panic* whatwhatwhat!
mum: *points at home&garden channel* i just wanted to show you the nice pillow they made.
mcee: ... *matricide*"

--- from the often hillarious mcee.