November 25th, 2003

nom de coeur

(no subject)

First post. I'm tired, but this made me laugh:
I bought GARNIER FRUCTIS shampoo and so far I have not developed a dimunitive frame and no hot model friends have materialized, and I am not in a silver pod in the desert, and there sure as hell isn't any Diamonds and Guns blasting through the walls.
Also I bought ultra thin condoms and a box of tampons at the same time. Must have thrown the cashier for an unpleasant loop. People in Sacramento really are fazed by such things. We have very vivid imaginations here.

stealth whap

(no subject)

"OH, my GOD! I'm successful and brilliant and *recognized* for it! Whatever shall I do?" Celli bemoaned.

I love you. Honestly, though, they should just leave you alone and let you write porn and cap movies and make icons.

*rereads sentence*

Okay, yes, I got kicked out of college for writing run-on sentences! Are you happy now? -- ilexa, here
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    giggly giggly
think big
  • _peapod

because everyone loves thanksgiving...

part of a post by l0rn on why thanksgiving is a time of great cheer:

"...[t]hen there's my controlling grandmother, my mom's mom. And if I don't fill my plate at least twice at her house she gripes about how ungrateful I am, and why did I leave them, and why am I living a life of sin away from church and God, and eat more stuffing, won't you, and I bet you're probably doing all sorts of immoral things now, and you've probably already had three abortions and then sacrificed them to Satan, and I'm surprised I even saw you at your great-grandmother's funeral, immoral and heathen that she was, and I'm surprised you even came back to celebrate Thanksgiving when you won't even accept our help, even though we weren't giving you money, we were just putting a roof over your head and making you pay every last one of your other bills, and then telling you you shouldn't have a boyfriend until you're thirty and making you listen to Christian music instead of those dope-smoking Beatles and I bet you smoke dope now don't you and you know what I'll bet you even deal it, you ingrate, and we hate you hate you hate you now eat your fucking turkey goddammit, it's Thanksgiving."
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    amused amused

Bouncing Babies

i hear stories about people who leave things on the roofs of cars--coffee, briefcases, babies...and these stories rarely end happy. any family anecdote that includes the phrase, "junior bounced like a rubber check" is unlikely to warm the burly cockles of anybody's heart, especially here around the holidays. in my experience, people want Santa and Jimmy Stewart this time of year--not babies with asphalt up their noses.


First Post and Much Tolkien Geekiness

"Tears unnumbered ye shall shed; and the Valar will fence Valinor against you, and shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the mountains. On the House of Feanor the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East, and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also. Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue. To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well; and by treason of kin unto kin, and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass. The Dispossessed shall they be for ever."

Then Feanor turned to his sons and said "Well, shit."

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    amused amused