November 22nd, 2003

Heart of glass

Discussing her aunt going to a sperm bank...

Kid: Mommy, where did I come from?

Mom: Well, your sorry excuse for a daddy has old dried up sperm, and he couldn't break mommy off good and proper.

Kid: So daddy's not my daddy?

Mom: No sweetie, I had to go to this big building, kind of like a bank, except they take green money and give you white sticky "money" instead.

Kid: ...I'm not buying it, bitch.Where did I really come from?

Mom: Okay you little bastard, some dude who looked kind of cute in the profile but is probably a fucking psychopath thought about something dirty and jerked off in this plastic cup. The doctor took a turkey baster, jammed it up my pussy, and 9 months later, you were born! Miraculous, ain't it?

~ starian2006, here, in childfree.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
K: Eeevil!, Eeevil!
  • kielle

(no subject)

As many of you would know, goth dancing involves a great deal of "oh the agony, *nail.hand.forehead*" gestures, along with the classic 'there's something in my eye', 'my ankh is caught in my skirt' and 'the incompetent gravedigger' gestures. It's all about the arms. And about surreptitiously watching everyone to see if you're being upstaged whilst not appearing to do so.

But of course in a crowded mosh, there's not all too much room for dramatic hand-gestures, and at your local pub, you may well get beaten up or at least thrown out for dancing as though you've had some bad absinthe, so not many people do it. Except for me. Yay me.

-- arabel
cain's ballroom

(no subject)

From the ever spot-on apocalypsos, in this post:

"How I know I'm a sick, twisted bastard who needs her head examined:

I was checking my friends list at work when "Baby Love" came on the radio, and my first thought was, "Huh. Wouldn't that be the perfect make-out song for Michael Jackson?"

Don't worry, I'll lobotomize myself so you won't have to."
Pay so much attention to me
  • cocco

(no subject)

I sort of want to go the SCA. Havok is in the off-season, and I'm all withdrawaly... Of course, the SCA is no Havok, but still I think I'd like to go. Too bad I don't really know anyone there. I hate going places by myself. Byuck. I don't think they'd really like me too much either, since I don't know all those medieval facts and such that they seem to pride themselves so much on. If one of those "I know more about Norse-Saxon-8th-Century-relations" arguments came up I'd not be able to have a part in it. Oh dear, whatever would I do!


(SCA being a [and by "a" I mean "the"] medieval reenactment group, and Havok being a LARP.)
  • Current Music
    benny goodman -- lets dance

Pie humour - not quite LJ, but from a blogger who has an LJ

"In the kitchen of my suite there are two pies, each with a note. One says, "Pie that won't kill Erin." The other says, "Pie that will kill Erin." I'd assumed the second pie was actively malevolent in nature, but it turns out that this is simply an allergy issue. That's disappointingly prosaic, although I suppose it's a relative relief for Erin." -facticiouslj's other blog site (found here.

PS- the pies and the notes were mine! LOL!
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    amused amused
fashion police

(no subject)

True story:

Some people park cars on the side of the road near our grocery store, right? And they put up big "FOR SALE" signs in their windows and everything and so you'll pass a line of cars for sale by owner on Sunday if you go to the grocery store then.

Well, last Sunday we're driving past and there's a covered wagon with a "FOR SALE" sign on it.

I really wish I was making that up.

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