"Safety Razor" my ass. Triple blades of death. That's what that damn Mach III razor is. I have three finely-sliced strips of skin, each slightly deeper than the previous, hanging from my left index finger. Why? Because Safety Razors
are a goddamn myth created by Gillette to fool average consumers into purchasing their benign-looking
death machines. At least a straight razor doesn't lie about its deadly capacity to cut your finger to the bone and, in one way, it's much nice about it since it won't flay your flesh in the process. I'm convinced that Gillette is a company run by evil aliens who are trying to put simple and safe-looking murder devices into the hands of all humans so that, over time, we'll end up killing our selves with these ALIEN SAFETY RAZORS FROM PLANET X!!!
I think I'm going to take Adolescent Literature next semester. Now, I'll admit, when I saw that in the course catalog, I snorted and said, "Yeah, like I'll ever take that." Visions of Christopher Pike books wreaked havok in my head. Silly me. My current prof, who is The Cool, told me and the other Real English Geek in our class about it. She's teaching it, and the class is going to focus on banned books next semester. Harry Potter
, Huck Finn
, The Catcher In The Rye
. Like I can pass up the chance to study Harry Potter in a classroom environment. I just hope I don't burst out with something embarrassing and slashy, like, "OMG! See? Sirius and Remus are SO doing it!" or "You know, I think the Weasley twins tag-team screwed Oliver Wood." I don't think that would bode well for my grade.