"Fact: I'm awake for 16 hours a day, give or take an hour here and there.
Fact: There are two hours of Golden Girls
programming on Lifetime Television for Women every day.
Fact: I watch both these hours, without fail.
Synthesis: I spend 1/8th of my waking hours watching Golden Girls.
Conclusion: I'm a geriatric woman trapped in a twenty-year-old boy's body."