Metaquotes

serrico's notes on Paradise Lost:

GOD: Kneel! Kneel before me, son of Jor-El!
SATAN: Bite me.

"He talks big, but deep down he's just sad that God isn't paying attention to him anymore."

"Y'know the forge in LotR, with the Orcs and the weapons and the Uruk-hai? Like that."

and there's more!

From spasmolytic:

Richard III, simplified and made much more fun. :)

Lady Anne: [over the corpse of her husband] You killed my husband. I hate you.

Richard: Aww baby, don't be that way!

Anne: ... But... my husband. Dead. You... killed?

Richard: OK OK I admit it. I killed him. And I liked it. And I'd do it again, damnit! But I think you're foxy.

Anne: Tee hee! Oh, you!

Richard: So... howza bout we make out?

Anne: But... my husband's corpse is right--

Richard: ...

Anne: Ah, what the hell. Sure.

And then later:
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From now on, if a fic is done in second-person and it's not intensely obvious who the "you" is supposed to be, I am going to imagine myself as the you. Myself with a penis, if that's necessary. :D Which means I can imagine myself sexoring up a lot of people :D!!!! -elfiepike

This whole post is very amusing. About Henry the VIII.

bnh

mass sucked. however, bible reading v. amusing tonight:

people: um, o greatest and most glorious god, we've been lost in the desert for some 30-odd years now because you led us here, and we seem to have run out of food and water. also, our people are bursting into flame. a little help?
god: you people are so fucking demanding. I think I'll send snakes to kill a lot of you.
people: ow!
moses: harsh.
god: but they deserved it!
moses: whatev, man.
god: FINE. wave this stick at them.
moses: *does*
people: phew.
god: I saved you from the snakes!
people: ....

-- cheeriomonkey

Trimmed the trees in the backyard. Found it worked best if Mom grabbed the ends and weighed them down to Ann level. She is small, and was concerned about what might happened when I cut the limb. "Don't worry," I told her. "If you get flung up into the power lines, try to go limp and for the love of God, don't drool." She slapped me with a gardening glove.

-- annlarimer

"Is it so psycho of me to think that the ending of Grease would be so much improved if at the end, when the car is flying away, Dr. Frank N. Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show appears with a rocket launcher and shoots the car down, and as it explodes the high school students singing at the end scream and run around like ants while William Shatner runs to the debris, picks up Travolta and Newton-John's severed heads and cradles them in his arms, looks up at the sky, and screams: KHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN?"
- conner24 here.

"...in other news, i dealt with a yuppie chick who had tourettes syndrome, yesterday. she kept squeaking, like she was having sex and trying to be quiet about it."

celluloid_jam in customers_suck

annlarimer cracks me up:

"Watched second Noir disk, which kicks ass, then blows the ass's head off and buries it in a shallow grave in the woods. Yay again."