September 4th, 2003

Fox and magpie (art (c) kyoht.com)

Best. Letter. Ever.

"Dear Mr. Riddle,

We regret to inform you that you are sterile. As an evil megalomaniac, you have no desire to reproduce; moreover, the only sexual feelings you have are triggered by sadism.

In the event that one did, somehow, become pregnant with your child, we are sure that you would do the wrong thing and kill her instantly. If the child was born, we are sure you would take a cue from the rulers of the Ottoman Empire and strangle it with a silk cord.

Sincerely,
Canon"

dryerase in deleterius
  • Current Music
    "The Marauders" - Tears for Fears
  • cimness

(no subject)

if i am cleaning one door then people can use the one right behind them. you would think that if they walked up to the doors and saw that one was being cleaned they would turn around and exit. nope. that would make way too much sense. they just stand behind me (right beside the other door) and wait. sometimes, like today, someone will say "we can't get out. you're blocking the door."

this isn't a big deal the first 90 times it happens, but i've been hearing this nearly every day for a year. TURN AROUND. someday i think i will just stay on the ground in front of the door to see how long people will wait. i want to see them start to panic "oh god, we will be stuck here forever! if only there were another door right beside this one, through which we could escape!"

sadly, they would probably step on me instead.
-feelingcold

whole entry includes a diagram and is rather fabulous.
  • Current Music
    Dar Williams-When I Was a Boy
springtime the pony

(no subject)

Okay, this came from fandom_wank over on Journalfen, but it was just too good to pass up:

The discussion concerns a paper somebody apparently wrote, trying to discover what psychological disturbanges lie behind the writing of RPS (manna summed this up as some rambling, utterly unsupported 'theory of RPF', which is obviously a crock of crap as it doesn't include the phrases 'really hot porn!' or 'sparkly dancing boys!'). The paper contains the statement: There is real person slash out there. Most of them (sic) involve NSYNC (sic) members. Others include Putin/Bush, Stalin/Roosevelt, and most terrifying of all, God/Satan.

dorothy1901: God/Satan is Real Person Slash? This involves some definition of "real person" of which I was not aware. Let's hope that nobody has the bad manners to show God and Satan this stuff. Satan might be cool about it, but God has a history of throwing apocalyptic hissy-fits.

alden: Ah, but doesn't God see what everyone does in secret anyway? Ergo, he reads God/Satan slash... maybe.

anonymous: FWIW, I prefer fluffy, happy PFGS (Pre-Fall God/Satan) fics to those annoyingly angsty PAGS (Post-Apocalypse) God/Satan fics.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
cat snow
  • tree220

another one from trollprincess

Why is it that Arnold Schwartzenegger starred in "Junior," "Batman and Robin," "The Sixth Day," "End of Days," "Jingle All the Way," and "The Last Action Hero," but he runs for governor and now he gets egged? What exactly does he have to do to get an anvil dropped on his head, run for Grand Poobah of the Known Universe? Sheesh ...
  • Current Mood
    groggy groggy
ncis - tony/ziva - right there

Of birds and bees

In botanical news - two of my dendrobiums have "happy bumps" on them. "Happy bumps" are the beginning of flower spikes - meaning my orchids are horny. Meaning that they are either a) channeling my sexual frustration or b) I've been masturbating around them too much lately. I'm glad the orchids don't have orgasms, 'cause that would piss me off.

ambobuddha
  • cimness

needless to say

I could barely sleep last night. Stupid thoughts kept running through my head, like "Whens the last time I heard this song?", "I wonder if lemons would be good in Vanilla Coke." and "If everything is made of molecules, what if molecules suddenly start going berserk and the world falls apart?"

Needless to say, I'm off to get some coffee.

-hollsh
  • Current Music
    3lw - Ido(remix)