Metaquotes

It's really wrong to see the following truncated song title in a kids' song listing: "I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed." I assume she swallowed a fly and a spider etc., but ye gods, these days one simply can't be sure. - kielle

From over at the deleterius community, where they rag on Mary Sue Harry Potter fanfic...

"Harry watched Sheila through the mirror as she put toothpaste on her toothbrush. (Co-ed bathrooms? At Hogwarts?! Dumbledore must be getting senile. And Draco is probably giving some poor first year girl a swirlie.) "

In the chat I was just editing, I had to destroy numerous mentions to George Bush dressed up like a hooker. It's five am. I admit to nothing.
-- crantz

It's a new brand of fanfiction called "read my mind because I suck."
-- lilacwire

lilacwire: Wouldn't it be great if there were a sea life called "sea mattresses"? You could just bounce up and down...and occasionally they'd eat your toes or something.
collie_wing: KIDS! Are you jumping on those sea mattresses again??! XD

Why is it that as soon as a person or persons is presented with a reality-altering preposition, such as that there are other worlds or dimensions, and more specifically that they are some chosen one with super powers / magical weapons / etc, the first thing they want to do is go back home?

Fuck that.

If a rift opens up in space and time, and someone pops out saying, "Glenn! At last we've found you! You must come with us quickly!" Shit, I don't care what the deal is, I'm gone. Screw this boring reality. Give me a magical sword, give me a big robot suit, tell me I'm descended from kings. Hell, I don't care. I'm not choosey.

glennj

Kefiv: Oh, have you seen the Ye Olde Hokey Pokey thing?
BrieflyDel: *shakes head*

Kefiv:
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

BrieflyDel: !
BrieflyDel: *expires*
BrieflyDel: *is an ex-Esther*
Kefiv: Isn't that the coolest goddamn thing ever?
BrieflyDel: Affirmative!

"It would've been great to have him as Prez during the Iraqi conflict, though. The look on Saddam's face would be priceless when he wakes up from a bunker one day to catch a glimpse of The Terminator, trussed up in full gear, marching his way." - loopychew speculates on Ahnold For President.

"::rolls eyes:: Well, obviously there are those of us of enlightened taste who find the snarky, intelligent, and above all, canonical Potions Master to be a rather sexy guy.

However, there's sexy and there's sexy. Those Suvians who write about Sexy Snape normally have Snape's clone having sex with anything and everything, including the merpeople, house elves and the Sorting Hat.

Frankly, I think that Canon Snape would have somewhat higher standards than hot sex with Dobby."

-gehayi in a recent post at deleterius.

Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness obviously never had a credit card and access to ebay and amazon. Have just purchased quite a bit of happiness. Now I just need it to arrive on my doorstep.
-- eshva

i wuz reading this horroscope tihng n it said that dom iz a dragon on the chianese horoscoep!!1!!!11!! IM A DRAGGIN TO!!!11!!one!!!1!
ourloveissodestinedandpossiblychinese

elvish_whore, in response to a wish I expressed for Captain Jack/Black Pearl smut:

"Captain Jack Sparrow sat on one of the Pearl's wooden railings, his legs slung haphazardly over either side. 'Bloody hell,' he says softly, rubbing a hand reverentially over the smooth wood, 'I haven't had this much wood between my legs since Elijah came to visit Orlando!'"

"VoxInsania: I mean, all the Greeks were gay anyway. All the women were bound by law to stay in the house while the men sat under trees and screwed each other and ate olives. At the same time.

...

Wow. I think I was Greek in a past life."

XDDDD This goes right along with marumae's theory that Helen of Troy was not, in fact, even a woman.

She was Gackt.
-kinneas (yes, I'm quoting a quote)