[On Orlando Bloom's small feet]
"The fact he has little girl feet does not mean he isn't well hung, this is true.
The fact he is all dainty in the first place means he isn't well hung. He at no point has had to fight off wild animals with only his crotch and a swiss army knife. He has not had to pleasure an entire village of women in South America to ensure the release of American soldiers. His man member, if
you can call it that, is sickly and weak and has not seen the light of day. Therefore it has not had the need to grow large and powerful and gain superhuman abilities that allow it to impregnate inanimate objects.
This reply is for all the men who were afriad to comment on his wiggly piece of shame."