Sunday: Wake up. Sneer. Rape kittens. Eat same. Enter sleep mode.
Monday: Wake up feeling crumbs stuck to my humanoid torso. Curse Lynne for eating crackers in the coffin again. Leap out of coffin and stand for all of three seconds before collapsing to the ground. Pacemaker shocks pilfered hearts back into action. Monday humanoid functionality and viability test complete. Sneer. Called VP special forces to insure Diebold special program implementors and wetworks agents are in place. Cackle. Eat baby. Enter sleep mode.
Tuesday: Inform "boss" that today is election day. Explain what "election" means and what we are doing to prevent it. Stayed in contact with VP special forces. Stayed in contact Grovarous, ambassador for hell. Sneer. Made call to Cobra Command, talked to Destro for about 30 minutes about his colon. Ate puppy and kitten. Enter sleep mode.
Wednesday: Woke up with arm detached. Called Rasputin clones to repair arm. Recieved call from cousin Kang. Played short but exciting game of electronic table tennis. 11:00 heart attack came and went without complications. Kerry's impudence comes to an end. Declare victory again. Introduce moron. Stop moron from adding his own parts to victory declaration, explaining that "feeple deeple" is not a real term. Sneer. Meet with private horde to praise satan and consume souls. Enter sleep mode.
Thursday: Woke to find internal diagnostic AI playing Halo with kid from Melborne. Vow to crush Melborne. Went to meet with corporate interest groups numbers 237 and 456. Secretary catches me in time to tuck neck skin back into suit. Called Rasputin clones. Sneer. Did not enter sleep mode, prefering to spend night going from window to window to feast on the blood of the unemployed.
Friday: Had press conference. Nobody noticed that I replaced Iraq with Melborne in axis of evil rhetoric. Rasputin clones installed new patch of baby skin in neck region. Sneer. Had nice dinner of live baby otters. Johnson made some remark about the rebel alliance. Crushed Johnson's throat with telekinesis. Ordered new Johnson. Enter sleep mode.
Saturday: Woke up with all systems in check. Recieved giftbasket from Megatron thanking me for energon shipment. Called Zarkon and Lotor, they claim Haggar has come up with a new robeast that is guaranteed to win. Checked on prisoners. Princess claims that a plumber will save her. I decide to chain her above pool of lava. Sneer. Drink own urine. Enter sleep mode.