Erin (erinpuff) wrote in metaquotes,
Erin
erinpuff
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It sucks to be me - in D.C.!

malograntum wrote a parody of "It Sucks to be Me" from Avenue Q about the presidential election.


KERRY PUPPET
I'm John Forbes Kerry from Boston, MA
The press reports what they hear, and not what I say
And people on the internet keep saying I'm gay!
I'm not!
I'm just very friendly!
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be me.
It sucks that I look like a cadaver when I'm on TV,
It sucks to be me.

RANDOM VOTER PUPPET: Hey, you're John Kerry!

KERRY PUPPET: Yes I am.

RANDOM VOTER PUPPET: I live in a swing state and boy, am I sick of you!

RANDOM VOTER PUPPET
I can't watch TV or answer the phone
This damn election just won't leave me alone
You all bitch about the other campaign's negative tone
Goddamn!
I already voted!
And no, I won't tell you for whom!
Just let me watch Smallville in peace!
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be me!
It sucks when the same groups call like clockwork every day at three!
It sucks to be me.

MALOGRANTUM PUPPET: Hey, you should walk a few miles in my shoes, uphill in the rain et cetera.

RANDOM VOTER PUPPET: I'm sure you're a nice person, but I'm so sick of people coming to my door and calling me all the time!

MALOGRANTUM PUPPET: So am I, and I get more calls than you, because everyone I've ever volunteered for calls me every damn day. But when it's a choice between low voter turnout and annoying the crap out of people, well...

MALOGRANTUM PUPPET
I'm volunteering to get out the vote.
I have a friendly script that I know by rote,
And aren't we all inside the same leaky boat?
So why
Do people hang up on me
And tell me to leave them alone?
And why the fuck is anyone anywhere voting for Bush?
Are they just doing it to make me miserable?
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to lose faith in human beings before you're 23,
It sucks to be me.

BUSH PUPPET: What're you guys singing about?

MALOGRANTUM PUPPET: How much our lives suck because of you!

BUSH PUPPET (long pause, adjusting his earpiece): Now I, I hope you don't really think that. (Quietly, to someone unseen:) Do I have to? I can't sing. ...Okay, fine, be that way.

BUSH PUPPET
I've had four years of the presidency
I hate when folks misunderestimate me
Just 'cause we abusified the odd detainee
But hey
Now I feel much safer
I'm sure you do too!

ALL
It sucks to be you!
(You win!)
It sucks to be you!

BUSH PUPPET
It sucks to have two months and a couple weeks left in D.C.!
It sucks to be me!

ALL
It sucks to be me
(Here in D.C.)
It sucks to be you
(And Cheney too)
Sucks to be us but not when we're together
We're together now right here in D.C.,
It sucks to be in D.C.,
For you and me!

BUSH PUPPET
But we'll soon be history

KERRY PUPPET (overlapping)
But we'll soon make history

ALL
And make things suck less in D.C.
A little less in D.C.
It sucks to be in D.C.!
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