I'd discovered earlier that the instructions were in German, but as there were also pictoral instructions, I figured I'd be fine.
I was not fine.
Allow me to portray the pictoral instructions in a non-pictoral form.
Fig. 1: Twist top off. Create exact duplicate of top. Also note: ARROWS!
Fig. 2: Change nothing. Return top. MORE DIFFERENT ARROWS!
Fig. 3: Pour some water into something, we suppose. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES pour water into some other thing.
Fig. 4: Turn on lever to maximum. This will do nothing. Maybe do something with this little twiddly thing off to the side? We don't really know. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES PLUG IT IN!!! (no, seriously, it shows the adaptor without the power cord in it.)
Fig. 5: Enjoy your lovely decorative glass-topped end table! ...Wait, what's this about a humidifier?