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We're all going to the bad hell!
emanuelosi, rahmcy
cosmorific wrote in metaquotes
Courtesy of the lovely and talented fox1013 in a locked post.

With her father, at Temple on Yom Kippur:


Sacrilige #1: The Cough
ME: *starts choking during silent meditation*
DAD: *looks at me and tries not to laugh*
ME: [softly] "Shit. Shit. Fuck."
DAD: *raises eyebrows*
ME: "Oh my god, I'm going to Hell."
DAD: "We don't believe in Hell. Or else, yes."
ME: "I'm going to be inscribed in the Book of Wild Boars!"

Sacrilige #2: The Recitation
CONGREGATION: *begins reciting the list of sins, with arrogance, bigotry, cynicism...*
ME: "Why's cynicism a sin?"
DAD: "What?"
ME: "Cynicism. It's listed as a sin. I just kind of think that's crap."
DAD: "...And you are exact evidence as why."

Sacrilige #3: The Recitation, Part 2
CONGREGATION: *reciting the list of sins, towards the end, so violence, weakness of will, xenophobia, what have you*
DAD: "Do you want a pen so you can start checing these off?"
ME: "I was thinking I'd just stand up at the end and yell Bingo."

Sacrilige #4: The Sermon
TEMPLE PRESIDENT: *giving a speech on why it's important to give money to the temple*
ME: *memorizing the list of sins, such that I could write drabbles based on each*"



Bwee!


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...oops.

*edits post*

From locked entry, quoted with permission.

Hah! That's awesome... I always did crap like that in synagogue. Which is why better Jews cringe away from my likeness, shrieking "It burns us!"

(Deleted comment)
Huh. Either you go to my temple, or all Reform synagogues really are the same.

EXACTLY what I was thinking. ^_^

and now, the mainline Protestant perspective, brought to you by the makers of Wonder Bread (who just went into Chapter 11 because there just aren't enough of us anymore):

Orthodox Judaism: you walk to shul on shabbat because it's the law and a sign of respect.

Reform Judaism: you get there however you want because not all of the ancient mistranslations are relevant to modern times.

Conservative Judaism: you drive to shul on shabbat but park on the street a block away because the parking lot is closed.

And you got all that because your post reminded me of the synagogue now nearest to my home, which covers over its Bingo sign for the high holy days every year. Ha! That'll fool H-m!

can i please, please share your icon in a post on my journal?? (not as my icon, as part of the post *chuckle*)

Even if you say no...I gotta say that has got to be one of the BEST ones i have ever seen.

"Dear Humanity,

QUIT IT.

Assholes.

-God"


*snorts and chokes on tears of laughter*

I was thinking I'd just stand up at the end and yell Bingo

*giggles for rest of day*

XD That was my favorite part, too.

DAD: "Do you want a pen so you can start checing these off?"
ME: "I was thinking I'd just stand up at the end and yell Bingo."


*falls down laughing*

Oh, this is so sad, I have BEEN there! :) Once several of my friends and I did a run-down of the Ten Commandments. Two of us checked off...I think nine, was our grand end-total. The other two of us--because they'd both been in the military--checked off all ten. :)

Yes, we are so going to the Special Hell. :)

BINGO.

*is so fucking dead*

It's hard to believe cynicism is considered a sin.

I'd be interested to know on what grounds.

*BINGO!*


*collapses into a quivering mass of giggles in my chair

...had to excuse myself.
if this thread gets any funnier, i may need Depends!

OMFG!! bwahahahhahahha!!!!!

Between "bingo" and these damned hilarious icons I have been seeing....I think I split my spleen....

*holding sides, crying with laughter*

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