Through careful consideration, I have decided that Jesus is a Mary Sue, and the New Testament is badly written Old Testament fanfic.
Think about it. Jesus is supposed to be absolutely flawless physically as a reflection of his absolutely flawless soul, he helps everyone he meets, he gets even people who betray him to suddenly angst and feel so bad that they did it, and he does this big martyr thing for the sake of all humanity. Everyone loves him, even the people who offed him, and he comes back from the dead to avoid an unhappy ending. God is written completely out of character and may as well be a totally different deity than Yahweh of the Old Testament.