Today is a bad day. Today is such a bad day that were I a brutal South American dictator, it's the sort of day when I would execute all political prisoners, slaughter my cabinet in their beds, install replacements for them only if those replacements were in either my sexual or drug-addled thrall, declare martial law, imprison the leaders of various non-violent student protest groups, and threaten a neighboring country by sabre rattling and raping its leader's daughter and/or cat.
Unfortunately, I do not have the fate of millions of people in my hands, so I will attempt to distract myself from the excruciating pain by unwinding all the paperclips in the office. So there. Take that, Universal Paperclip Company! That'll teach you to mess with Generalissimo Resmiranda.