THE WEDDING NIGHT
THE PORN: *is cheesy and boring*
AUTHOR: I am happy on every occasion to offer those little delicate euphemisms which are always acceptable to ladies.
READER: Funny, I didn’t know that the Netherlands belonged to Mr Darcy.
FRENCH AND LATIN WORDS: *are horribly abused*
THE WORD "COMPLEATLY": *lures the word "completely" into a dark alley and hits it over the head with a heavy rock*