(locked post, quoted with permission)
My name is Azreen Zahira Mohamad Draim. In the past year I have attended not one, not two, but three programmes of higher education. One I passed. The other two bombed rather unpleasantly in a haze of alcohol, cigarettes and fucking drama-queen bitches.
Therefore I would like to take this opportunity to ask for your discretion in admitting me as a freshman in a semester when there aren't any freshmen. I intend to waste my parents' money again by taking courses which have nothing to do with the degree I'm planning to commit to. Oh, I dunno, maybe I'll pick up the trombone again since my parents dashed those dreams ages ago when I was a spineless teenager who believed they knew what they were doing. Or perhaps, since I now know that they have no fucking clue about what I want, I should do a course in mechatronics and get my arm sliced off my a robot. At least then I'll actually be a charity case as opposed to just a spoilt brat whose daddy knows the right people.
Oh, and since I don't have a license to drive yet I'm sure you wouldn't mind picking me up from home and sending me back after classes because sure as hell I'm not going to stay in a fucking dorm when my house is perfectly comfortable and in the same city and there's a backroad shortcut to the university somewhere.
Looking forward to hearing from you!