If *I* suffered some kind of injury that affected my speech, there's no way I'd go on NPR and talk like some little bitch in front of the whole world. No. I'd put on a ninja mask in public and NEVER SPEAK AGAIN. Instead, I would learn the ancient ninja way of communicating solely through the narrowing of one's eyes. Then I'd vow (in the ancient eye-narrowing language) to hunt down the motherfucker who caused the accident and I'd cut the shit out of him until he spoke like a little bitch. Then I'd make him go on NPR and talk about what a badass I am on All Things Considered.
and maybe on Prairie Home Companion too. Because his stupid ass would be from Lake Woebegone.
Cut for bad words. Also, I have heard the lady on NPR that he's talking about, and I have repeatedly told him that there is something wrong with his ears. Events leading up to the tirade here.