As it turns out, my dad was watching tv one day, and Bonanza was on. "Ben Cartwright" was one of the actors, and the name stuck with him, should the first born be born with a purple-helmeted love warrior.
16 years later, my first job was at Bonanza, the buffet/steakhouse. Talk about mystical significance!!!
And from hyperbole:
Hey guys, if you're having a wedding anytime soon, invite me. I am the ultimate usher. I put those uppity old people in their place, literally. "No lady, you can't sit there, it's not your row". Zip your lip before I break your hip. One old man changed seats after the service started, the cunning bastard. I got the last laugh though. I went into the reception room and stole every single cashew from those mixed bowls. Then some lady's kid and I played with action figures and I knocked some punch over with gambit but blamed it on the kid because he was 2 and didn't know how to talk. Then we came home and mike challenged me to some boxing video game, and I head butted him to death with lennox lewis. Today was a good day.