You're perfect. Mind if I clone you, to make a master race of cynicbots? The phalanx of cynicbots will purge the world of the dregs of our pop culture and politics, ie, everybody you mentioned above and anyone who aspires to be like them. They'll julienne them with razor sharp sporks, and garnish them with parsnip and serve them fresh-n-fruity to hungry bears.
(Yes, I realise it's the height of egomania to quote something from one's own journal, but I just liked the razor-sharp sporks and the parsnip.)