The classicist, willow-eyed, teller of stories, said
"You're not going to like this, ototoi. The long-
haired Akhaians are all hetero, my dear."
...But there were pretty boys in plenty, and Brad Pitt --
How could it be that poor Patroklos was not shagged?
Bored Akhilles, sulking before the well-benched ships,
spent his days screwing Patroklos through the mattress --
I'd swear on my gleaming pelt, it's in the text.
See the rest of the brilliance here.