mr five dollar foot long's sweet caboose (snacky) wrote in metaquotes,
  • Mood: amused

Long, but so worth it...

Over on fandom_wank, wankprophet is a little tired of Harry Potter fans' complaints about J.K. Rowling, but realizes it's just part of the history of fandom:


Holy Christ, will somebody please tell me this isn't for real?!? Just throw me a bone, a sliver, anything. I'm sitting here reading this and wonder why the fuck do they even read JKR's books? Call me crazy, but if I read a book and my reaction was "She can't write, she has no grasp of characterization, she clearly needs to get her priorities straight and I can think of a splooging drama queen on the Internet that I would much prefer to read", I wouldn't even be reading the remaining books in the series, much less be going out and joining an effing fandom. These are very sad people, and by "sad", I mean "dumb and should be cast into the outer darkness just to prevent the contamination of our world with their own perverse brand of pandemic irrationality posing as squeeing fangirly lust for anything that allows them to fantasize that someone would be redeemed by them rather than flay them and leave their skin nailed to their foyer wall as a warning to any other totally unappealing fangirls not to so much as squeal in the presence of the aforementioned flayer of fangirls."

"Sad" condenses that definition nicely, dontchathink?


But this has been going on forever. It gives me a happy yummy feeling to think that at some point in Renaissance England, a broadside hung on the side of The Globe and people wrote their outraged reactions to Shakespeare's portrayal of Iago:

Thou varlet, thou pig's snout whorehound of a playwright, thou hast no conception of how Iago's character shouldst be developed. Thou shouldst be hoist by thy own petard, thou retard. I envisioneth an Iago who is truly the hero of the perverse love quadrangle between Othello, Desdemona, Cassio and himself. My own fiction hath him doing teh_nasty with Othello as the vile Cassio rapeth that whore Desdemona. Doth thou not grasp that just because Burbage doth play a part that we liketh him not, only the character? ~ Yours, Ben "Benadryl" Jonson.

omg, wtfucketh?!? How can Shakespeare write Iago out of the play like that? He doth so merely to spite his fans, the mad fool. Doth he not know that we are his customers, and the customer is always right?!? kthnxgbye ~anon

I careth not for Iago, but Shakespeare's Cassius hath a lean and hungry look. Doth he not know this turns us on, maketh us sploogeth in our pants? Why doth he persist in pretending that his villians are knaves and scoundrels? Why doth he bite his thumb at us? Well, I bite my merry widow at him! ~ Sir Honorus Persnickity


-- "Well I bite my merry widow at him!" Splorfle!!! OMG I loveth thee so much! ~ Kit Marlowe

Iago was a one dimensional character, just as the ancients would have made. I loved him back before everyone else loved him. I was there to give Shakespeare advice on how to flesh out his character, but the fool heedeth not my advice. Iago was a sly wee villian, but a sexy one as well. Why doth Shakespeare not alloweth him to get laid? He must be racist, and that is unacceptable here at the dawn of the 17th century. ~ Iago & Faustus 4evah!!!!

When I write "The Life of King Henry the VIII", thou canst be sure I will place Iago therein and he shall be recognized for the true hero that he is. Fool Shakespeare hath lost my respect, and I shall perhaps not watch his new play, "The Tempest." Or, rather, I shall sit in the back of this here playhouse and groan and tell all others how I couldst write it better. ~ John Fletcher


And so it goes...


---from this post.
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