"Dear Girls of the World Today" by Seanan McGuire

seanan_mcguire, the author, wrote this marvelous essay to the girls growing up in today's world:

Dear girls of the world today;

There is nothing wrong with you.

Everything I see, everything I read, everything I hear, is geared toward telling you that something is wrong with you. You're too fat. You're too thin. Your skin is terrible. You look too young. You look too old. You're too smart, you're too dumb, you talk too much, you don't talk enough, you're broken, you're flawed, you're bad. And all those things are lies. They are exaggerations. They are designed to pick on the things you feel insecure about, and convince you that you will never be happy unless you force yourself into their standards of perfection.

They will tell you that you are weak; that girls can't deal with spiders or do math or love snakes or run nations or be scientists. They will tell you that you must be indecisive, flighty, more interested in the interests that are chosen for you than the ones that you choose for yourself. They will tell you that you have to change yourself to suit them, and then they will keep moving the goalposts, so that you're never done changing, and you're never allowed to be you. And they are wrong. They are so, so wrong, and you are better than the lies they tell you.

If you are a girl, you are a girl. Period, finish, end statement. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you enjoy doing. It doesn't matter what your biological gender is or was. It doesn't matter who or what or why you love. All that matters is that you love, and that you accept that you are you, and you are awesome.

It's okay if you love pink. Some girls genuinely do. I genuinely do. Once, we would all have been viewed as cross-dressing and weird for liking pink, which was a male color. Times change. If you want to own your own pinkness, do, and don't let anyone tell you that makes you less of a feminist.

It's okay if you hate pink. You're not denying your gender or letting down the side, or anything else like that. You're a person, and there are a lot of colors out there to fall in love with. I recommend orange, green, and anything that sears your retinas.

Frills and lace and high heels and makeup are all fine. So are denim and combat boots and tattoos. So is everything between those extremes.

Collect dolls or knives or books or interesting rocks. Watch horror movies or romances or cartoons. Run races; go to spas. Eat cake or lettuce. Buy yourself a toy light saber and make your own wooooom noises while you wave it around; build a cardboard castle and chuck plush mushrooms at your would-be rescuers. Live your life, the way you want to live it, and understand that no one can kick you out of "the girl club" for doing it wrong, because you're not.

You're doing it exactly right, and I love you for that.

Corn maze love,
Me.

The comments on the original post are good, too.

44 comments — :

( 44 comments — Leave a comment )

(Deleted comment)

dornbeast

2012-05-04 05:35 pm (UTC)

Seanan would be very displeased to hear herself described as a man.

shawnael

2012-05-04 05:46 pm (UTC)

It's addressed to young women and girls, coming from an older woman who is commenting on the overwhelming culture of "real girls do/like/are x" and saying that it is wrong. Yes, in this day and age, because of what society and our parents make us, some girls do need permission to be ok with who they are or who they want to be. And if you really read this, Seanan is saying that none of us needed permission in the first place.

You're doing it exactly right, and I love you for that.

2012-05-04 06:47 pm (UTC)

*I mean "permission from other women"

2012-05-04 05:50 pm (UTC)

If that's how you read it, that's fine.

But considering that she also wrote Wicked Girls Saving Ourselves and My Story is Not Done, I think you're reading something into this that isn't there. Your mileage may vary.

bonnie_rocks

2012-05-04 05:43 pm (UTC)

Please tell me why it would matter what gender/sex/what-have-you the person who wrote this beautiful letter is?

~*::Meow::*~

2012-05-04 05:51 pm (UTC)

I offer you a link to the concept of Mansplaining.

aubade_saudade

2012-05-04 06:33 pm (UTC)

Oh, it matters plenty

icelore

2012-05-04 06:37 pm (UTC)

Because a positive message isn't a positive message if it comes from another gender. Right.

2012-05-04 06:43 pm (UTC)

No, because it's like if a white person who I don't know tells me that I shouldn't let white people define me, yada yada yada. The message is positive, but the fact that a white person feels the need to tell me how to handle my experience and how I should identify within that experience does matter. Just like if it was a straight person talking to me about my queerness.

I didn't say I'd reject the advice, but I WOULD take it into account. It does matter, IMO.

bunnyjadwiga

2012-05-04 05:58 pm (UTC)

And that is what is wrong with the extreme definition of mansplaining, that PERCEPTION OF MALE IDENTITY is more important than message. Jeez if you'd even read the note you'd see where the author claims female identity. Not to mention the fact that "Shawn/Sean/Shaun" has been a gender ambiguous name for the last 40 years.

Getting mad about supportive commentary because you *perceive* the speaker as being majority doesn't actually help. It alienates, not just the majority, but the minority.

2012-05-04 06:05 pm (UTC)

::Applause:: This!

~*::Meow::*~

squeeful

2012-05-04 06:27 pm (UTC)

Not to mention the fact that "Shawn/Sean/Shaun" has been a gender ambiguous name for the last 40 years.

This is the first time in nearly 30 years that I've heard anyone call "Sean" anything other than an unequivocal dude's name.

talonvaki

Guess you haven't ever seen Blade Runner, or anything else starring actress Sean Young. Although, technically it is her middle name...

2012-05-04 06:35 pm (UTC)

Sean is a somewhat popular first name for women (#2556 out of 4276) and also a somewhat popular surname or last name for all people (#68063 out of 88799). (1990 U.S. Census)

shaysdays

2012-05-04 07:02 pm (UTC)

As noted, the OP is not a dude, so I'm freezing this thread.

thenakedcat

2012-05-04 05:41 pm (UTC)

I like that the OP points out that the purpose of feminine beauty/behavioral standards is TO BE IMPOSSIBLE. We are meant to fail, it is programmed into the system so that we will be forever struggling against feelings of inadequacy.

moonstone

2012-05-04 05:48 pm (UTC)

What a beautiful, inspiring piece of writing ... Very well done, and it's tasteful to boot.

2012-05-04 06:38 pm (UTC)

I agree!

2012-05-04 06:34 pm (UTC)

<33333333

ifeedformula

2012-05-04 06:49 pm (UTC)

It is oddly appropriate that I have Pink's "Less Than perfect" stuck in my head right now.

One question...

"Corn Maze love?"

Re: One question...

ebenbrooks

2012-05-04 07:05 pm (UTC)

I have no idea. You'll have to ask Seanan. ;-)

alicetheowl

2012-05-04 07:29 pm (UTC)

It's a Seanan thing. Corn mazes are love, zombies are love, and the Great Pumpkin and Coyote are the ones she prays to.

2012-05-04 07:30 pm (UTC)

Ah, thank you!

2012-05-04 07:15 pm (UTC)

Instead of being one of those people who look for things to bitch and moan about, I'll just say that I think there needs to be more people, of any race, gender, or background, attempting to reiterate this message to girls and women alike. So much pressure is out there to the contrary that it's great to see something positive like this!

neadods

2012-05-05 12:36 am (UTC)

*clicks the like button*

chelonianmobile

2012-05-05 10:34 am (UTC)

Yeah. You know, even if this message was coming from a guy, I don't think "hey girls, you're fine as you are" is oppressing them.

2012-05-06 04:18 pm (UTC)

If that message is oppression, apparently all therapists are oppressors.

silmaril

2012-05-25 04:30 pm (UTC)

What you said.

fragbert

2012-05-04 07:33 pm (UTC)

I printed this out and put it in my daughter's room where she'll see it when she comes home.

Hopefully she won't crumple it up and throw it at me, screaming "STOP MANSPLAINING YOU EVIL MALE OPPRESSOR!!!"

15dozentimes

2012-05-04 10:42 pm (UTC)

Taking issue with men telling women how to experience their own oppression is exactly the same as shrieking EVIL OPPRESSOR at someone, yes, good job.

fusselbiene

2012-05-05 09:27 am (UTC)

I'm not sure I understand what you want to say with the comment.

2012-05-06 02:49 am (UTC)

I'm not sure I understand what you wanted to say when you invoked ungrateful screaming children, so I suppose we're even!

2012-05-06 10:57 am (UTC)

Huh?

I'm not fragbert.

2012-05-06 03:09 pm (UTC)

Wow, sorry /o\ I guess there's a lot of that going around /o\

2012-05-05 11:20 pm (UTC)

"Taking issue with men telling women how to experience their own oppression..."

...is completely reasonable. Assuming that something written about how to deal with the oppression Must Have Been Written By A Male?

Well, I have my opinion on that.

2012-05-06 02:50 am (UTC)

I don't think that's a fair restating of what happened ("I misread the name" =/= "I assume any writing about oppression Must Have Been Written By A Man"), but I don't disagree.

2012-05-06 08:02 am (UTC)

Well, I did state that poorly. I didn't mean any writing. Just this one essay, written by somebody she'd never heard of, with the name up at the top in large type.

2012-05-04 08:15 pm (UTC)

I legit sniffled. Yay ^_^

2012-05-04 08:29 pm (UTC)

This is wonderful. There can't be enough people calling out the BS that is "you must hate yourself for not fitting up to my standards, now buy my crap so you can get closer to those standards." Especially the part about the moving goalposts.