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On this episode of Mythbusters: Do geeks make better boyfriends?
Futurama Trekkies, Virgins, Trekkies
mandydax wrote in metaquotes
damncutekitty busts the top six myths:

Myth #1: Shy + nerdy= Nice
Nice guys come in all shapes and sizes. They come from all races, backgrounds and socio-economic statuses. There is no magical equation for nice. It's just something in a person's nature. Being shy does not automatically make a person nice anymore than being confident makes them a jerk.

Myth #2: Geeks are more romantic
This one is laughable at best. I've dated a lot of geeky guys, and none of them were particularly romantic. The most romantic lover I've ever had was a "jock".

Myth #3: Geeks are low maintenance
Supposedly geek guys make great boyfriends because they can subsist on pizza, Mt Dew, and your affection. Just wait until you meet one who will ONLY eat pizza and maybe 3-4 other foods, like some sort of overgrown five year old. It took me nearly a decade to get my computer programmer ex husband to eat salad. My Star Wars obsessed ex boyfriend could not be taken to nice restaurants because he refused to wear anything except ripped jeans and nerdy tees and would not eat anything he could not pronounce. LOW MAINTENANCE MY ASS.

Context will test whether geeks cheat, make better lovers, and appreciate women after this commercial break. (SPOILER: They do, don't, and don't.)

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My comments, as a geek.

1: Shy and nerdy has a tendency towards nice. Well, shy does in general IME. Being a jerk takes some level of extroversion. The not nice shy people are the plotters and connivers. I find they typically start out nice, and then get fucked over as a result, and turn mean as a result.

2: I am so not romantic. I am far to practically-minded to be romantic. I don't get the flowers thing. Good money on something that looks pretty, but is otherwise non-functional, and then goes away in a few days. I would much rather gift you with durable goods, like DVDs or an ereader or something. If it has to be something transient, it still needs to be functional... which means food!

3: That's not a geek thing. There are millions of picky eaters out there across the spectrum. Picky eating also tends to be an outgrowth of OCD or ASD, both of which are present in above average levels in geek types.
There's a lot of study in picky eating these days, and prevailing MEDICAL opinion is that it's not "being like a 5 year old".
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40357712/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/t/grown-eat-kid-you-may-have-selective-eating-disorder/
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704699604575343130457388718.html

Also, disagree on her idea of low maintenance. These people were who they were. She set out to change them (the first, second, third AND fourth cardinal sin of relationships) and then complains of the effort.
NEWSFLASH: Changing someone is not "maintenance". Maintenance is to MAINTAIN. Changing things is not maintaining them, by definition.
They would have been who they are, and almost certainly happy in the relationship, with minimal effort on her part. That's what low maintenance means.
Her problem is that she chose to have relationships with people she didn't actually want relationships with, hence all the effort to change them. If she put even a tenth of the effort into choosing her partners that she does into trying to sculpt them into her idea of acceptable, she wouldn't need to change them.

PS: Expecting change out of your partner in order to accommodate your desires or requirements? That's called being high maintenance.

4: Yup. EVERYONE cheats. Conservatives estimates put it at 85% of all men and 65% of all women, at some point. I consider those to be rounding errors, and just assume that everyone has, or will, at some point. I personally have never met a person who hasn't cheated at some point.

5: Absolutely agree. Quality of a lover is measured by how into you they are.

6: "The myth of the guy who spent all of high school playing D&D but secretly wanting someone to love and when he finally gets a girl he imprints on her and covers her in puppy-like devotion. OMG WHERE DO PEOPLE GET THIS SHIT?"

They get it from reality. That described me perfectly. It happened. It still happens. She completely ripped out my heart and shit in the hole eventually, and I got over this pattern... but it happens. That's where people get the idea.

As for "magical pixie girls", some losers are like that. Most are not. My partner is certainly not a "magical pixie girl" by any stretch of the imagination.

IN CONCLUSION: The OP is demanding, high maintenance, dissatisfied with all the men out there... and yet continues to put herself into relationships with people SHE DOESN'T LIKE in some misguided attempt to make them into something she does like.

Of course it doesn't work, millions of people can tell you that (and probably did), and now she's bitter as a result of her mistakes, and is shifting the blame onto a large and diverse demographic that, in the aggregate, does NOT actually fit all the stereotypes she is perpetuating about them.

...wow. When did this show up? I don't remember this being the first comment. Then again, I'm on a relaxants and am really sleepy.

SUDDENLY, A WILD POST APPEARS

Because one person's limited experience means that it's universal!

I don't know. I've dated a lot of Geek guys and I tend to agree with her. geek guys are pretty much the same as non-geek guys. They just have a universal obsession with something. There are as many nice geek guys (as opposed to Nice Guys) in a peck as there are nice non-geek guys in the same size crowd.

Basically, the idea here is: you are not wholly defined by your label, even if it's self-chosen. A geek can be as different from another geek as they can a jock, a hipster, an emo and a goth. Judge people on who they are, not what they claim to be.

Tempted to make a comment here about how guys who subsist on such foods taste, but I probably shouldn't.

Then there's how guys who subsist on such foods age.

If they do. :(

IMO the best part of it is :

Myth #4: Geeks don't cheat
Yes. They cheat. Some of the worst cheaters I know have been geek guys, and for once I am NOT talking about my ex husband. He pales in comparison to some of the internet casanovas out there, with personal harems (aka chat lists) filled with ladies that they claim are "just friends". But in reality it's all women they have banged, are banging, or want to bang. (and may be color coded as such)


Edited at 2011-10-11 11:10 am (UTC)

Wait what? If you have a "personal harem" of folks you chat with that include people you used to date or are potentially interested, you're a cheater? That's ... a very strange definition of cheater. I guess under that definition I have cheated, since I'm still close friends with some ex-boyfriends, and at least one person on my list is a definite hottie.

I will say from experience with spending time with geeky guys (platonically, as my own geeky boyfriend is basically the bee's knees and totally exempt from this), there can be a prevailing whiny attitude of: "But I'm so SMART and QUIRKY and ENDEARING, I absolutely without question deserve to get a Super Hot Chick* and will therefore refuse to give the time of day to anyone who is less than that."

Otherwise I think the quote has more to say about the OP's taste in men rather than the qualities of geeks as boyfriends. You know, like how abused women tend to find themselves attracted to abusive people.**


*It is poor feminism to buy into the whole concept of Objective Beauty and the Beauty Myth, I will definitely admit, but hopefully I made that point without being too sexist/looksist.

**Also not to engage in victim-blaming here. I want to say this has been fairly-well documented but I realize I've never actually read any studies on it so who knows!***


***Qualifiers galore in this post!

Nice Guy Syndrome isn't limited to geeks either; any guy who isn't very conventionally attractive and/or otherwise high on the ordinary totem pole (being very rich counts, as does playing a major league sport) is capable of claiming that he deserves a hot girlfriend, because he's a nice guy, and all those pretty girls are $expletives for not realizing it.


I had an ex-boyfriend exactly like the 'Star Wars obsessed' guy, except he wasn't a geek (they were band T-shirts instead of nerdy ones). Wow, it's almost like people can have these personality traits completely independently of whether they're a geek or not!


Shucks, that's just sad.

I've got a geek who is shy, nice, wicked smart, romantic, loyal, appreciates me, and claims that I *am* his hot girlfriend.

No, you can't have him. I married him 20 years ago (well, it'll be 20 in 9 days), and I'm keeping him.

Happy anniversary! My anniversary's the same day; four years for us. As far as geekiness goes, we met during a Discworld play we were both in...

Hold on, isn't the paragraph complaining about not being low maintenance... means they are low maintenance? I mean, if all you have to ply them with is a select amount of stuff, then doesn't that fit the description?

But it's not stuff she approves of, so it's maintenance.

Yes. Stereotyping is plain stupid & geeky does automatically equal nice.

This discussion reminds me of a really good piece (written by Lucia from HeroineTV) on nice guy & popular jock Matt Donovan in tVD in contrast to other well known "nice" guys such as Xander in BtVS...

http://www.vampire-diaries.net/tv-series/guest-post-matt-nice-guys-finish-first

Did you know that everybody in every household has to eat and like the same stuff? IT'S TRUE!

No, but having to make two meals because your partner won't try anything new and you're sick of pizza gets expensive and annoying after a while. And I actually like going to restaurants alone, but it would grate if I was doing so because I couldn't take my partner.

As a general rule, identical tastes are not required, but compatible tastes are. And someone whose tastes are very, very narrow is going to have a hard time finding someone whose tastes are compatible.

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Why? These are pretty universal problems.

(Deleted comment)
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The "simple" guy is so much harder to accommodate (because he only likes a few things) than we "complicated" guys (because we only dislike a few things.)

^THIS. absolutely this. That, and people get tired of having their likes snubbed all the time.

I think #1 starts in school. Or possibly earlier than that, but it's definitely there in school. "Nice kids" = kids that sit still, shut up, and smile. They can be backstabbing psychopaths, but as long as they do it quietly they're nice. So we grow up thinking that being quiet and nonconfrontational is somehow a sign of good morals.

"Nice kids" = kids that sit still, shut up, and smile

Yeah..I've had that argument with teachers before.
"You're son is SO NICE. But he won't sit still."

Um..yeah. It's called ADHD. We don't choose to medicate him because it was making him not eat a damn thing and it was causing him to have outbursts of rage followed by depression.

*watches the Nice Guys flow out of the woodwork*

There are exceptions to all broad, sweeping generalizations... but yes, IMO, these myths are embraced and promulgated by a lot of geeky Nice Guys.

"Of course, if I did have a girlfriend - super hot, of course - I'd shower her with affection and romance. Unless it interfered with D&D night. Or raid night. Or required, y'know, actual showering more than twice a week.

Oh, who am I kidding? All women, especially those who don't measure up to my media-fueled fantasies fatties, are bitches who only go for jerks. *sigh* If only someone would see me for what I really am..."

I loathe Nice Guys. Because how much of an asshole do you have to be in order to feel ENTITLED to someone? What the hell?

I mean, I'm a guy and therefore not in any danger of running into Nice Guys so far as I'm aware (Oh, god, I hope I'm not one), but still, attitudes like that just piss me off.

Someone's not bitter at all. Apparently someone's gotten her heart freshly broken.

Icon love.

I love those commercials he was in.."Shut up and quit cryin', ya jackwagon!"

LOL


Lol at all the guys in this post going "but we're not all like that/we have reasons!"

The food thing especially, the vast majority of guys that I'm close enough to to be familiar with their food habits, subsist on pizza and cheezits. Even the self proclaimed foodie. And it's because they're either too lazy to make or get anything else or they literally don't know how, because cooking is for the wimmins, not because they're some magical supertaster.

These are the same guys who thought it was hilarious to give me shit for my diet, and god forbid I cook something for them that is too weird, like vegetables.



Oh shiiiiit, I'm waiting for some deluded Nice Geek use the tone argument on this comment. I just KNOW it's going to happen.

You know, um...maybe she should just stop dating geeks? Just a thought....

Myself, I've dated jocks. I've dated good ol' boys. I've dated hipsters. I now have a strict geeks-only policy as a result. First of all, I don't have to explain my interests or tastes to them (and we have much better odds of understanding each other and having things in common). Second, they don't put me down for being a geek.

She's more than welcome to my non-geeky ex-boyfriends!


I get the feeling that the post is coming less from a 'geeks suck' attitude and more 'no, geeks are not better than non-geeks' attitude. I don't think this was really meant to be anti-geek at all.

If the girl I was dating was bizarrely fixated on me eating a salad, it wouldn't take me ten years to dump her sorry ass.

It's not about the freaking salad. It's about the fact that your partner of 10 years MIGHT have different tastes than yours and would love to share them with you in the hopes that you might also enjoy them, only to be continually rebuffed with the implication that their tastes are worthless because the other person doesn't care for them.

And even if it is about the freaking salad, is it really such a giant goddamn imposition to eat a couple of leafy vegetables from time to time?

I hoped that this post would generate at least some brief discussion of whether mythbusters make better boyfriends. I am disappoint.

Would a "MUSTACHE RIDES" joke be inappropriate?

Right, all I'm getting from this now is that SALAD IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. Possibly more than Licorice Allsorts.

IDGI why everyone is so obsessively focused on this salad to the point of excluding everything else in the OP. We don't even know what kind of salad it was. Was it a garden salad? Mixed baby vegetables? Cobb? Caesar? Macaroni? I mean I know it can't possibly be the one at olive garden because oh man those are delicious, nobody hates olive garden salads.

Geeks suck or don't suck as much as the next person, news at eleven?

Or am I supposed to include something about how dating them either sucks or rocks here?

Yes. I am disappointed in the lack of over-share or defensive remarks in your comment. Please reevaluate and tell us about how you're an expert due to your experience. Bonus points if you can take offense to anything in the post.

j/k :P

I once had a conversation with a friend about her boyfriend at the time (who turned out to be an asshole) in which she pointed out the difference between a "Nice Guy" and what she called a "Good Guy". She said, "See, a Nice Guy holds a door for you because he thinks it improves his reputation, or will score him points with you. A Good Guy holds the door for you because it's raining or your hands are full, or just because, with no thought at all about what you'll think of him for doing it."

Character determines more about a person than how they spent their Saturdays during high school (or twenty years after it).

I think the most surefire way of telling the difference is to see how the person is around his/her friends. A really decent person will be decent to everyone, not just Target Love Interest.

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