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On rahmbamarama: making poetry for Blagojevich
Smile
joysweeper wrote in metaquotes
sonnetastic : This is just to hold a press conference to announce

I have filled
the Senate seat
that it was in
my power to fill

and which you were probably
saving
for Quinn

Forgive me
it was a $(*)ing valuable thing
so sweet
and so *(^)ing golden


Needless to say, everyone is encouraged to offer further tributes to the brilliance of Blago ... and I don't just mean the brilliance of his hundred-strokes-of-the-comb-every-morning hair.


schmiss: [subject: Fun fact: this is the only thing my English studies have been good for]
LET us go then, you and me,
Before the evening's old like Mayor Daley
Like putting impeachment on the table;
Let us go, through certain Chi-town streets,
And talk of selling seats
The positions that we'll buy and sell
Maybe I'll get a position as well:
Energy would be a present
Cause all the money is in it
Which leads you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not give me appreciation:
It's time for your donation.

In the room the money come and bring
For it's a fucking valuable thing


evercourant :
Shall I brush my hair up front? Do I dare to sell a seat? Fuck yes.
I shall wear a black tracksuit, and jog amidst the snow.
I have heard the attorneys singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding eastward on the airwaves
When I am combing my black hair of the hair blown back
When the wind blows the hair black and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the executive mansion
By candidates wreathed with colors red and blue
Till Fitzgerald's voice wakes us, and we drown.


sonnetastic  (replying to above): How many times per day can we get married? Can we try for the record please?

evercourant :
NO PLAUSIBLE LIMIT. DO ME THE HONORS BABY

sonnetastic :
 

You. Me. Now.  ... with Jules and Jim in the background, apparently.



evercourant : xDDDDDDDDD THESE STILLS ARE KIND OF THE WAY I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW, SO I AM RIGHT ON BOARD. LET'S FLY TO GUAM

sonnetastic : Guam and Puerto Rico: as much taxation without representation as DC, but lots more sun -- so I'm in! ... Less chance of running into Rahm and forcing him to join our honeymoon party, though.

evercourant  (new thread) :

What happens to a seat unfilled?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Never mind
It's a fucking senate seat
It's not going to do any of those things, what the hell

But still

It's so fucking valuable


sonnetastic  :
I bow before your mastery of poesy!

How about this, to make up a bit for it?

I, too, sing Illinois.

I am the &*(^)%$^************)(*^#_)_+@&^er brother.
They send me to serve in the prison
When Fitzgerald comes,
But I hold press conferences,
And quote poetry,
And grow strong (together with my hair which frankly grows stronger by the minute).

Tomorrow,
Burris'll be in the Senate
When Fitzgerald comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Serve in the prison,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful my hair is
And be ashamed--

I, too, am Illinois.


bookshop :
THIS POST IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

I'm a candidate for the Senate seat! Who are you!
Are you a candidate for the Senate seat too?
Then there's eighteen of us!
Don't tell! They'd discredit us, you know.

How dreary to have a free Senate seat!
You don't even get swag.
But ours is a fucking valuable thing,
On sale from our admirable Blag.


evercourant  : AJA YOU FUCK, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING DASHES

bookshop  : YOU FUCKING MOTHERFU

evercourant  : DICKINSON WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP IF YOU DELETE HER DASHES, LOOK, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK SHE IS, SYLVIA PLATH

bookshop :
WHATEVER SHE CAN'T HURT ME SHE'D HAVE TO COME OUTSIDE FIRST

OH YEAH I WENT THERE BITCH


evercourant : 
FUCK YOU, YOU HEARTLESS FUCK, IT'S NOT HER FAULT HER FATHER DIDN'T LIVE IN ILLINOIS UNDER BLAGOJEVICH RULE AND THEREFORE WASN'T BLESSED WITH IMMORTALITY

bookshop : 
SORRY CAN'T TALK NOW, BUSY WRITING EE CUMMINGS PARODY IN ALL CAPS


</a></b></a>kitty0_o  :
The media can joke about my hair,
Compare it to an animal or two.
But lo! The secrets held within its locks
Would have reporters quaking in their shoes.
A muskrat seems to be their choice of late,
A badger, skunk, or rodents large and small.
But what they fail to see in their lame jokes
Will be at last their ultimate downfall.
For like old Sauron forged the one true ring,
My hair is a fucking valuable thing.

OKAY SO IT'S ONLY GOT 10 LINES AND I KILLED THE IAMBIC PENTAMETER IN THE LAST LINE BUT DO YOU CARE? OF COURSE YOU FUCKING DON'T.




mcollinknight  : I LOVE HOW THE USE OF 'MOTHERFUCKERS' IS 'LOVELY.' THAT IS WHAT MAKES THIS COMM THE OPIUM DEN OF HAPPINESS THAT IT IS.

A+, MY FRIEND. A+

so much depends
upon

a senate
seat,

a tapped phone
conversation,

(now from inside the) jail
cell




sonnetastic  (on the suggestion of metaquotes ): I don't know what that is (until and except for this community I have never been lj-active) but if you think it's a good idea, I think Blago would tell you "to thine own self be true. Also, neither a borrower nor a *&$#^ing lender be -- at least not if you're in a position to pressure the President-elect into having Warren Buffett raise some money for you instead!"

(Rahm, by contrast, would say: "I got me three kids. Now the littlest one she loves chocolate. I mean, reaaally loooooves chocolate. But we always tell her, you can't have any chocolate until you've finished what's on your plate. ... Wait, where was I going with -- er -- well, you can figure out how to finish that metaphor for yourselves ... ")

 
Context is flocked and I wish I could quote it all, it's amazing.


Those poems are THINGS OF BEAUTY. BEAUTY I SAY.

Can...would it...is it okay if I mention that "Blagojevich" doesn't have a T in it? It is a sad, sad thing that I don't have to look up the spelling any more. O.o

Whose seat is this, I think I know
He's headed to the White House though
He will not mind me using it
To make a fucking pile of dough

The prosecutors think it queer
To press for money without fear
Especially when you're wiretapped
And when the Feds are drawing near

I'll give the Chi-town press a shake
And say that it was all a fake
And pick a black guy for the seat
Who no one thinks is on the take

The list of crimes is long and deep
But in Chicago, talk is cheap
I'll bribe the jury; what the [bleep].
I'll bribe the jury; what the [bleep].


SHEER BRILLIANCE. YOUR RHYMES DAZZLE ME. XD

You know, the sheer amount of snark and mock arising from this makes me damn proud to be from Illinois.

You should see the comments in the Central Illinois newspapers online. It's awesome!

I think I love this community.

Trust me, you do. Opium den of happiness and poem-parodies indeed.

I love William Carlos Williams. I remember the pure hatred with which we studied him in school, our teacher valiantly attempting to prove that, yes girls, this was actual poetry. I love how much enjoyment the internet can get out of mocking him. I mean, seriously. Aren't you glad he wrote such awful excuses for poetry, just so you can parody it every which way. *sigh* I love my internet.

Then you need to see this post, including some fantastic gems in the comments. For example:
Whose frig this is I think I know.
He's gone into the village though;
He will not mind me stopping here
To check and see what there is stowed.

His roommates surely think it queer
To peer without an invite here
Between the eggs and frozen cake
One random evening of the year.

They look and give a double-take
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweet
Soft sound that juicy chewing makes.

Those plums were lovely, dark and deep
And I had hunger pangs to ease,
And plums to eat before I sleep,
And plums to eat before you wake.

The original might have come from here - or then again, what's there might have come from here. Such is the way of memes; not five minutes after I read this here I saw the link to that one on another blogsite.

(Not that I'm saying it shouldn't be metaquoted, because regardless of the origin of the first one, the rest is original to LJ. Plus there's more poetry to enjoy there.)

What's there came from here - or there... oh dang, confusing. But the rahmbamarama convo came first, I remember sonnetastic saying she'd submitted it to that site after the fact. But thanks for being on the ball, haha! Life is funny that way.

Illinois' first need is gold,
A senate seat to hold.
The seat may bring you power,
And $80 an hour.*
Then someone oversteps his reach--
Your governer will get impeached
And someone's got to pay:
Blagojevich can't stay.



*2006 salary: $165,200, divided by (40 hours a week x 52 weeks) = $80 an hour. Not that they actually work 2080 hours a year, or anything. :)

Re: Oh god, this post FTW,

sonnetastic

2009-01-11 09:36 pm (UTC)

Frost parodies warm my so sweet and so cold heart! This is awesome.

The awesome emanating from my screen is too much. BRB SUNGLASSES

Shall I compare thee to an empty seat?
Thou art more vacant and more $#@%ing gold:
Much scandal clouds the normal meet-and-greet,
And my appointee freezes in the cold.
Sometime too bright the light of inq'ry shines,
And clearly see the senatorial eyes;
And every value still sometime declines,
Though graft or wiretap or legal spies.
But thy great $#@%ing value shall not fade,
Nor shall the Senate e'er your power shake,
Nor shall Reid brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When President-Elect his balls shall take.

So long as seats are bought, or pow'r is sold,
So long live you, to line my life with gold.


OMG Shakespeare

you went there
and lived to see another day

Blagojevich the Governor

jelliclecat

2009-01-12 12:44 am (UTC)

The Walrus and the Carpenter

The press was writing on this seat,
Writing about who's right:
Rod did his very best to make
His hair so smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because there was
No f$@%ing one in sight.

Photogs were snapping happily,
Because they knew they'd won
The gov'nor wouldn't speak to press
No not a single one--
"We cannot print with all of this
damn cursing that's been done!"

The bribes were fat as fat could be,
The treas'ry dry as dry.
There was no fiscal benefit,
The tax breaks were a lie:
No one could pay-to-play because
The price was set too high.

The wiretaps the feds had set
with vans parked close at hand;
They hoped like anything to see
Him scorned across the land:
"If only we'd get him to say,"
he's sold it, t'would be grand!"

"Were Blagojevich not such a sop
Insane and full of fear
Do you suppose," the feds all said,
"That he could sell it clear?"
"I doubt it," Pat Fitzgerald said,
As impeachment drew quite near.

"Constituents, believe in us!"
The Gov'nor did beseech.
He filled the tapes with rants and lies,
And charming, cursing speech:
"The Cabinet or lots of dough,
Are well within my reach."

Children's Hospital looked grim,
For the CEO had said:
"I'll not contribute fifty grand,"
And Roddy shook his head--
Planning to pull the funding for
The children sick in bed.

But Tony Rezko ante'd up,
All eager for the treat:
Kickback arrangements had been made,
And contracts pretty sweet--
Most lucrative of all, for sale:
That f$@%ing Senate seat.

Four other suckers followed him,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hoping for commissions fat,
And contracts by the score.

Blagojevich the Governor
Jogged for a mile or so,
Upon returning to his house
He told the press, "Hell, no,
"Press conference at two," he said
With nothing else to know.

"The time has come," dear Roddy said,
"To talk of many things:
Of wiretaps--and pomade-wax--
Of senate seats--and kings--
And why this seat is f$@%ing hot--
I just say lawful things."

"But wait a bit," the people cried,
"Before we have our chat;
You've tried to sell Obama's seat,
What has become of that?"
"Wiretaps are sneaky!"
Said Governor Fruit-Bat.

"Appointments for my friends," he said,
"Are perfectly legit:
I only choose the people whose
Experience is fit--
Now, if they give me money, too,
That doesn't hurt a bit."

"Your own party thinks you're nuts!"
But Rod had not a clue
Blissfully ignoring that
Everybody knew
His plans and schemes and f$@%ed up dreams
Were dirty through and through.

Investigations had begun
Fitzgerald quite precise
The governor said nasty things
That weren't very nice
"That valuable f$@%ing seat
Is now worth twice the price!"

Daley said, "He's cuckoo,"
And saw the dirty trick,
No help for selling Wrigley Field
When the Trib's being a prick
The governor said nothing but
"Oh yeah? Pat Quinn's a dick!"

"I don't know you," Obama said:
"And think it might be wise--
Consider resignation
And stop being on my side!"
Blagojevich ignored him
And just kept telling lies.

Blagojevich the Governor
Found the support of none.
Soon he would be finished
His plans had been undone--
The vote to impeach him was
114 to 1.

Re: Blagojevich the Governor

joysweeper

2009-01-12 12:55 am (UTC)

Oh dear gods, you are awesome for that. Nice! Very nice!

Damn e.e.cummings is haunting me at every step!

That's it, next time someone in metaquotes posts a f****** cummings parody, I'm going to punch the next person I see in the face!

Completely off-topic, but I was wondering if I could yoink that awesome icon. With credit, of course. <3

Sure! I stole it from happywriter06.

There was a damn son of a bitch
named Governor Blagojevich.
He wickedly tried
to slip this deal by:
You, Senator; me, $@$#%$ rich!

?

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