LJ's Catch of the Day- Served Fresh Daily!!

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Can...would it okay if I mention that "Blagojevich" doesn't have a T in it? It is a sad, sad thing that I don't have to look up the spelling any more. O.o

Whose seat is this, I think I know
He's headed to the White House though
He will not mind me using it
To make a fucking pile of dough

The prosecutors think it queer
To press for money without fear
Especially when you're wiretapped
And when the Feds are drawing near

I'll give the Chi-town press a shake
And say that it was all a fake
And pick a black guy for the seat
Who no one thinks is on the take

The list of crimes is long and deep
But in Chicago, talk is cheap
I'll bribe the jury; what the [bleep].
I'll bribe the jury; what the [bleep].


You know, the sheer amount of snark and mock arising from this makes me damn proud to be from Illinois.

You should see the comments in the Central Illinois newspapers online. It's awesome!

I think I love this community.

Trust me, you do. Opium den of happiness and poem-parodies indeed.

I love William Carlos Williams. I remember the pure hatred with which we studied him in school, our teacher valiantly attempting to prove that, yes girls, this was actual poetry. I love how much enjoyment the internet can get out of mocking him. I mean, seriously. Aren't you glad he wrote such awful excuses for poetry, just so you can parody it every which way. *sigh* I love my internet.

Then you need to see this post, including some fantastic gems in the comments. For example:
Whose frig this is I think I know.
He's gone into the village though;
He will not mind me stopping here
To check and see what there is stowed.

His roommates surely think it queer
To peer without an invite here
Between the eggs and frozen cake
One random evening of the year.

They look and give a double-take
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweet
Soft sound that juicy chewing makes.

Those plums were lovely, dark and deep
And I had hunger pangs to ease,
And plums to eat before I sleep,
And plums to eat before you wake.

The original might have come from here - or then again, what's there might have come from here. Such is the way of memes; not five minutes after I read this here I saw the link to that one on another blogsite.

(Not that I'm saying it shouldn't be metaquoted, because regardless of the origin of the first one, the rest is original to LJ. Plus there's more poetry to enjoy there.)

What's there came from here - or there... oh dang, confusing. But the rahmbamarama convo came first, I remember sonnetastic saying she'd submitted it to that site after the fact. But thanks for being on the ball, haha! Life is funny that way.

Illinois' first need is gold,
A senate seat to hold.
The seat may bring you power,
And $80 an hour.*
Then someone oversteps his reach--
Your governer will get impeached
And someone's got to pay:
Blagojevich can't stay.

*2006 salary: $165,200, divided by (40 hours a week x 52 weeks) = $80 an hour. Not that they actually work 2080 hours a year, or anything. :)

Re: Oh god, this post FTW,

Frost parodies warm my so sweet and so cold heart! This is awesome.

The awesome emanating from my screen is too much. BRB SUNGLASSES

Shall I compare thee to an empty seat?
Thou art more vacant and more $#@%ing gold:
Much scandal clouds the normal meet-and-greet,
And my appointee freezes in the cold.
Sometime too bright the light of inq'ry shines,
And clearly see the senatorial eyes;
And every value still sometime declines,
Though graft or wiretap or legal spies.
But thy great $#@%ing value shall not fade,
Nor shall the Senate e'er your power shake,
Nor shall Reid brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When President-Elect his balls shall take.

So long as seats are bought, or pow'r is sold,
So long live you, to line my life with gold.

OMG Shakespeare

you went there
and lived to see another day

Blagojevich the Governor

The Walrus and the Carpenter

The press was writing on this seat,
Writing about who's right:
Rod did his very best to make
His hair so smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because there was
No f$@%ing one in sight.

Photogs were snapping happily,
Because they knew they'd won
The gov'nor wouldn't speak to press
No not a single one--
"We cannot print with all of this
damn cursing that's been done!"

The bribes were fat as fat could be,
The treas'ry dry as dry.
There was no fiscal benefit,
The tax breaks were a lie:
No one could pay-to-play because
The price was set too high.

The wiretaps the feds had set
with vans parked close at hand;
They hoped like anything to see
Him scorned across the land:
"If only we'd get him to say,"
he's sold it, t'would be grand!"

"Were Blagojevich not such a sop
Insane and full of fear
Do you suppose," the feds all said,
"That he could sell it clear?"
"I doubt it," Pat Fitzgerald said,
As impeachment drew quite near.

"Constituents, believe in us!"
The Gov'nor did beseech.
He filled the tapes with rants and lies,
And charming, cursing speech:
"The Cabinet or lots of dough,
Are well within my reach."

Children's Hospital looked grim,
For the CEO had said:
"I'll not contribute fifty grand,"
And Roddy shook his head--
Planning to pull the funding for
The children sick in bed.

But Tony Rezko ante'd up,
All eager for the treat:
Kickback arrangements had been made,
And contracts pretty sweet--
Most lucrative of all, for sale:
That f$@%ing Senate seat.

Four other suckers followed him,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hoping for commissions fat,
And contracts by the score.

Blagojevich the Governor
Jogged for a mile or so,
Upon returning to his house
He told the press, "Hell, no,
"Press conference at two," he said
With nothing else to know.

"The time has come," dear Roddy said,
"To talk of many things:
Of wiretaps--and pomade-wax--
Of senate seats--and kings--
And why this seat is f$@%ing hot--
I just say lawful things."

"But wait a bit," the people cried,
"Before we have our chat;
You've tried to sell Obama's seat,
What has become of that?"
"Wiretaps are sneaky!"
Said Governor Fruit-Bat.

"Appointments for my friends," he said,
"Are perfectly legit:
I only choose the people whose
Experience is fit--
Now, if they give me money, too,
That doesn't hurt a bit."

"Your own party thinks you're nuts!"
But Rod had not a clue
Blissfully ignoring that
Everybody knew
His plans and schemes and f$@%ed up dreams
Were dirty through and through.

Investigations had begun
Fitzgerald quite precise
The governor said nasty things
That weren't very nice
"That valuable f$@%ing seat
Is now worth twice the price!"

Daley said, "He's cuckoo,"
And saw the dirty trick,
No help for selling Wrigley Field
When the Trib's being a prick
The governor said nothing but
"Oh yeah? Pat Quinn's a dick!"

"I don't know you," Obama said:
"And think it might be wise--
Consider resignation
And stop being on my side!"
Blagojevich ignored him
And just kept telling lies.

Blagojevich the Governor
Found the support of none.
Soon he would be finished
His plans had been undone--
The vote to impeach him was
114 to 1.

Re: Blagojevich the Governor

Oh dear gods, you are awesome for that. Nice! Very nice!

Damn e.e.cummings is haunting me at every step!

That's it, next time someone in metaquotes posts a f****** cummings parody, I'm going to punch the next person I see in the face!

Completely off-topic, but I was wondering if I could yoink that awesome icon. With credit, of course. <3

Sure! I stole it from happywriter06.

There was a damn son of a bitch
named Governor Blagojevich.
He wickedly tried
to slip this deal by:
You, Senator; me, $@$#%$ rich!

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