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Pulp Fiction, as performed by the King's Men
Internet is a Drunk Librarian - Cat and
darthparadox wrote in metaquotes
ceruleanst gives us two passages of William Shakespeare's Pulp Fiction:

ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter a carriage, with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.

J: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.


J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.

Context will know my name is the LORD.

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was one of the most amazing and awesome things I have ever read.

Freaking. BRILLIANT.

I am damn-near helpless with laughter at the moment. My co-workers are giving me seriously weird looks. OMFG it is the Best Day Ever.

I fear the internet shall soon explode, for surely it cannot contain this much win.


OMG, this is amazing. XD

This is funny stuff!!!

I approve of this.

Nice usage of middle-english, excellent job sticking to iambic pentameter...

Oh, yeah, funny, too.

I'm such a nerd.

That's still modern English.

That is absolutely fantastic

can't... breathe... too... much... laughter... *wheeze*

Wow. Thanks to the poster, and congratulations to the writer.

wow that icon is awesome XD.
no where else could Joss Whedon in Green Make up = so much win.

Where does ceruleanst live, that I may deliver unto them a shiny internet, and perhaps cookies?

I'm trying to bend something around the lines, "Didst thou a sign behold anent this house/Whereon was writ, 'Dead blackamoors stor'd here'?" but it's not coming.

XD truly a masterpiece. The win, it is epic.

OMG that is also amazing.

That was basically brilliant.

I really have to watch Pulp Fiction sometime...

Oh my god oh my yes yes yes YES. *dead*

I am very impressed. Splendidly done.


My sinuses would like to thank you for the diet cola bath this gave them this morning...

OT, but I love your icon. What does the "Match it" refer to?

Oooooooh. I wanna see this on stage.

I, too, would dearly love (and cry for laughing) to see this on a stage.

Is it bad that I'm thinking this is better than the original?

Because I do.

Do not make me lay my hand upon thy cheek... hur hur hur...


2008-04-15 04:09 pm (UTC)

And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old Rule 7, stol'n forth of the userinfo;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.


Re: Do not make me lay my hand upon thy cheek... hur hur hur...


2008-04-15 04:43 pm (UTC)

With but a cut, I hope I rectify
The breach of conduct I had caused before.
If further editing is yet required,
I'll do my best to satisfy the rules.



2008-04-15 04:10 pm (UTC)


Especially since I read the whole thing in appropriate voices. SLJ shouting, "HAS HE THE SEMBLANCE OF A HARLOT?!?!" did it for me.



2008-04-15 08:03 pm (UTC)

I did that too. FTW. Srsly.

Oh, my god. It's beautiful.

I am in love.

I don't have the words to express how much pure and awesome win this is. Brilliant! :D

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