Darth Paradox (darthparadox) wrote in metaquotes,
2008-04-14 22:52:00

Pulp Fiction, as performed by the King's Men

ceruleanst gives us two passages of William Shakespeare's Pulp Fiction:


ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter a carriage, with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.

J: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.


...


J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.


Context will know my name is the LORD.
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mhael

April 15 2008, 15:45:24 UTC 5 years ago

THAT...

was one of the most amazing and awesome things I have ever read.

Freaking. BRILLIANT.

opportunemoment

April 15 2008, 15:47:06 UTC 5 years ago

I am damn-near helpless with laughter at the moment. My co-workers are giving me seriously weird looks. OMFG it is the Best Day Ever.
*collapses*

chaoswolf1982

April 15 2008, 15:47:22 UTC 5 years ago

This is fucking gold.

new_evolution

April 15 2008, 15:50:37 UTC 5 years ago

I fear the internet shall soon explode, for surely it cannot contain this much win.

erunamiryene

April 15 2008, 15:51:18 UTC 5 years ago

FUCKING. BRILLIANT.

OMG, this is amazing. XD

r0x

April 15 2008, 15:52:22 UTC 5 years ago

That's incredible.

medusa_nw

April 15 2008, 15:52:37 UTC 5 years ago

Absolute genius! :-D

serow

April 15 2008, 15:53:03 UTC 5 years ago

This is funny stuff!!!

demented_pants

April 15 2008, 15:55:41 UTC 5 years ago

I approve of this.

Nice usage of middle-english, excellent job sticking to iambic pentameter...

Oh, yeah, funny, too.

I'm such a nerd.

squeeful

April 15 2008, 16:13:05 UTC 5 years ago

That's still modern English.

sugar_spun

5 years ago

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leastlikely

5 years ago

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littlered2

5 years ago

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tnh

5 years ago

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leastlikely

5 years ago

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kangaroo_court

5 years ago

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leastlikely

5 years ago

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kangaroo_court

5 years ago

  • New comment

baralier

5 years ago

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yamara34

April 15 2008, 15:56:02 UTC 5 years ago

That is absolutely fantastic

popelizbet

April 15 2008, 15:56:02 UTC 5 years ago

I....I am in love.

silmaril

April 15 2008, 15:59:27 UTC 5 years ago

can't... breathe... too... much... laughter... *wheeze*

Wow. Thanks to the poster, and congratulations to the writer.

katiebignuts

April 21 2008, 17:13:17 UTC 5 years ago

wow that icon is awesome XD.
no where else could Joss Whedon in Green Make up = so much win.

redstapler

April 15 2008, 16:00:57 UTC 5 years ago

Where does ceruleanst live, that I may deliver unto them a shiny internet, and perhaps cookies?

montrealais

April 15 2008, 16:02:09 UTC 5 years ago

I'm trying to bend something around the lines, "Didst thou a sign behold anent this house/Whereon was writ, 'Dead blackamoors stor'd here'?" but it's not coming.

XD truly a masterpiece. The win, it is epic.

meleth

April 15 2008, 16:42:42 UTC 5 years ago

OMG that is also amazing.

elffin

5 years ago

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popelizbet

5 years ago

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rhapsody_98

5 years ago

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chinashop

5 years ago

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deltashade

April 15 2008, 16:03:37 UTC 5 years ago

That was basically brilliant.

i_am_stillwater

April 15 2008, 16:04:01 UTC 5 years ago

I really have to watch Pulp Fiction sometime...

weyrdchic

April 15 2008, 16:04:31 UTC 5 years ago

Oh my god oh my yes yes yes YES. *dead*

yattara

April 15 2008, 16:04:43 UTC 5 years ago

I am very impressed. Splendidly done.

concertigrossi

April 15 2008, 16:05:18 UTC 5 years ago



OMG

My sinuses would like to thank you for the diet cola bath this gave them this morning...

erlgirl_9

April 15 2008, 19:35:08 UTC 5 years ago

OT, but I love your icon. What does the "Match it" refer to?

dr_a_nightfall

5 years ago

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concertigrossi

5 years ago

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atalantapendrag

April 15 2008, 16:07:45 UTC 5 years ago

Oooooooh. I wanna see this on stage.

ateji

April 15 2008, 18:57:52 UTC 5 years ago

I, too, would dearly love (and cry for laughing) to see this on a stage.

popelizbet

5 years ago

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ghostpaw

5 years ago

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tsubaki_ny

5 years ago

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zendequervain

5 years ago

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tilly_stratford

April 15 2008, 16:09:15 UTC 5 years ago

Is it bad that I'm thinking this is better than the original?

Because I do.

shaysdays

April 15 2008, 16:09:27 UTC 5 years ago

Do not make me lay my hand upon thy cheek... hur hur hur...

And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old Rule 7, stol'n forth of the userinfo;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.

Exeunt.

darthparadox

April 15 2008, 16:43:07 UTC 5 years ago

Re: Do not make me lay my hand upon thy cheek... hur hur hur...

With but a cut, I hope I rectify
The breach of conduct I had caused before.
If further editing is yet required,
I'll do my best to satisfy the rules.

shaysdays

5 years ago

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reconditarmonia

5 years ago

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shaysdays

5 years ago

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snowmentality

5 years ago

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caprinus

5 years ago

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littledrummrboy

April 15 2008, 16:10:05 UTC 5 years ago

"THE QUEEN'S OWN ENGLISH, BASE KNAVE, DOST THOU SPEAK IT?!

*STANDING OVATION*

Especially since I read the whole thing in appropriate voices. SLJ shouting, "HAS HE THE SEMBLANCE OF A HARLOT?!?!" did it for me.

dimloep_suum

April 15 2008, 20:03:09 UTC 5 years ago

Re: "THE QUEEN'S OWN ENGLISH, BASE KNAVE, DOST THOU SPEAK IT?!

I did that too. FTW. Srsly.

faeriemags

5 years ago

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cpip

April 15 2008, 16:11:52 UTC 5 years ago

Oh, my god. It's beautiful.

I am in love.

loreliloalyn

April 19 2008, 15:55:34 UTC 5 years ago

Me too!!

medievalweevil

April 15 2008, 16:12:39 UTC 5 years ago

Ha! Brilliant! :D!
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