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LJ's Catch of the Day- Served Fresh Daily!!

Hit-and-run one-liner of the day.
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full_metal_ox
zathras_ix reflects upon dochermes' most recent reminder of obsolete occupations:

The problem with marketing asbestos is that you can never have a fire sale.

On why rioters don't loot bookstores
phoenix ezzicons/xiggy
conuly
Let's suspend disbelief for a while, and assume that I was rioting and indulging in a mad looting spree. I don't think a book shop would be my first port of call. A book shop is a place for browsing and leisurely reading of blurbs. "Raah!" say the rioters. (I don't know if rioters really do say "raah!" but let's assume that they do, like dinosaurs.) "Raah! Raah! Riot! Riot! Riot! Oh... I've not heard of that author, but the cover looks good. Interesting blurb, too. Let's read the first page... Hmm, not sure about the writing style. Maybe not... Ooh, 3-for-2 on that table!" (Because I refuse to believe that looters aren't drawn by special offers. Looting something that's one a 3 for 2 offer is clearly better than looting something that's sold at full price.)

By ladyofastolat here.

Don't stand so close to me...
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full_metal_ox
One of dochermes's anonymice helpfully supplies context for a lurid old paperback cover:

"Now Ms. Brown, you know a professor and a student in this position is highly improper. And do not think this will cause me to not fail you.

"Of course not professor, but when the school board sees the photographs I am having taken, they will have no choice but to fire you and declare my grades invalid."

"Silly girl, the school board is dead, I poisoned their doughnuts myself. Now I am the school board. And as the first order of business, your expulsion from this school."

"That might frighten me, if I was a real student.

"What?"

"I am not Ms. Brown, I am undercover officer Patricia Wiliby, and you professor, just gave me the big break."

Having been outsmarted by one he had regarded as an air headed blonde, the Professor drank vial of dihydrogen monoxide and fell over. But officer Wiliby had monitored in chemistry at police school,and thus took the fool away for a long sit in jail.

(no subject)
hearts in canada 2
pathology_doc
achacunsagloire discusses vanity among authors in the context of ancient legend:

More than likely, you've heard of a vain pretty-boy named Narcissus. How vain was this guy about his renowned good looks? So vain that he most definitely would think that Carly Simon's song was about him.

Context is gazing fixedly into the still, clear waters. QWP.

Spam, spam, spam!
phoenix ezzicons/xiggy
conuly
In response to what is in and of itself a great post on a lone spam can in ursulav's journal (and all the comments are golden) comes this particular comment by seticat


While it's not considered unusual for one or two cans to strike out on their own to scout the migration route for the main herd [flock? cluster? tinning?], this 'is' a bit early in the season. Being naturally armored as they are, they can withstand the drops in temperature better then the females of the species who are smaller and encased only in plasticized foil wrap.

It's truly one of Mother Nature's rare and wonderful gifts to see the first cans quietly slip over the ridge line and start moving down into the fog kissed valleys at dawn.

This life isn't what it was cracked up to be.
new meez, default
starcat_jewel
Honestly, I didn't so much want a new me as to find the DLC for the old me that has the extra energy packs. I like me, but nobody warned me at character creation that life was basically an ammo conservation game with very few vending machines. - ursulav

Context is finding the New Year... sorta meh.

True Facts: Canine Edition.
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full_metal_ox
This hit-and-run gem comes from another of dochermes' anonymice:

Due to its extreme, uncontrollable hyperactivity and erratic behavior that frequently includes unprovoked, savage attacks on anyone within reach, the meth lab is one of the most unpopular breeds of all time. That's one pooch that will never be shown at Westminster.


Context brings us a still from Nightmare at the Museum.

Do you suffer the heartbreak of Mousie-Blah Face Fur?
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full_metal_ox
An anonymouse over at dochermes' informs us that now there's a solution:

During a full moon, I used to be embarrassed going out and stalking prey because my pelt just didn't seem as lustrous and shiny as it could be.

Now, when a terrified motorist screeches to a halt in the middle of a deserted country road because he sees me in his headlights crouched over a dead deer, I no longer feel self-conscious.

I think this is the stuff Don Imus uses.


Context proves that the folks at Wacky Packages had paranormal romance's back before it was a thing.

How to blow a cat's mind in one easy step
whee!!
anagramofbrat
tacit has gifted his cat, Beryl, with not one, but TWO boxes. It"s like kitty xmas. (cut for length)Collapse )

QWP, a little late, but still excellent.

Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my hater?
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full_metal_ox
A typo in a Sherlock fanfic amuses drawlight_jimmy:

I'm guessing since this is a post S3 fic you meant 'former' but having Moriarty referred to as Sherlock's 'formal enemy' did make me laugh.

I'm not sure which image I like better Sherlock and Moriarty fighting each other in tuxes or sending engraved formal invitations to become each other's nemesis.


Thereby prompting honorh to compose Moriarty's formal proposal of arch-enmity:

My Dear Sherlock Holmes,

I have admired your work from afar for many years, having not had the occasion to make your acquaintance. Upon my oath, however, I find I can no longer wait for a formal introduction. I must throw all caution to the winds and speak from my heart. Would you do me the honour of being my archnemesis?

Very Truly Yours,

Moriarty


Context dons its best Sunday Fighting Trousers.